this post is a few different things i wrote long time ago
that i recently found and decided to post them here.
saturated in dreams, i am caught up in illusional things.
overwhelmed by pain and shame, i am forced to play by the rules of the game.
left behind standing in shadows. veils and lies disguise my eyes of realities i cant not accept
a burning fire, ignited by the heart's desire, is not always what will transpire when jets of water douse the flames. it's life's games
this flame was once bright, shining through clouds and haze, now is dimly lit and struggling to keep the dark at bay as it tries to take over
the dark pushes still to extinguish the tiny flame that can show the way through to bright warmth. it suffocates with cold and emptiness
the damage drips out from the part that cant lie, where the heart pours out and the pain tries to hide
From the eyes where the truth lies, emotions and feelings pour, in our minds is where our eagles soar.
Pillow soaked by drops of sadness and emotion. Insomnia playing tag team on my ability to dream.
i've escaped from it's hands numerous times. the cold grasp of empty hollow feelings.
endurance
and i laid down in it's grasp for a short while. embracing the gripping hands, felt the feelings and emotions rampant.
resistance
Bright and radiant moon shining, Beaming into my dimly lit world.
Illuminating warmth spreading, smothering, blanketing a sense of calm.
a solitary thought trickles down from isolation into a plethora of mind chatter
and thought traffic and comes out in dreams we never remember
falling, light as a feather. landing, hard as a rock. brainstorming like the weather hitting my brain with such a shock.
Riled are the emotions, while thinking up the notions. Like staring at the waves of the ocean.
It syphons out the energy of the mind. It pulls you until your thoughts are left behind and intertwined with feelings of old or of futures.
Tired are the eyes of my soul, as I climb ever so persistently out of this hole. A refusal to let life win.
the clouds covers and hover over any thoughts, keeping them down and gray. i often wish for a hint of relief as my mind wanders day by day.
expressing things from within the clouds that cover, is nothing more than a distraction from the dreams of lovers in love and having peace.
the cloud consumes what's in my mind. the truth that hides i did not find. to read completely between the lines, will keep me confined within my mind.
this one isn't old, i wrote it minutes after my cat of 20 years
died in my hands:
words escape through distractions and light refractions, yet the memory is there.
laying in agony, to have witnessed such a tragedy. it's laid claim to the mainframe that is my brain that i try to maintain
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Monday, August 13, 2012
a dream
i had a weird and crazy dream last night and this is how it went:
It was me and my sister we were going somewhere but it was a long trip and somehow the dream skipped to when we were at the destination. We were walking down some alleyway and there were all kinds of houses that had alot of crap strewn all over, some were dilapidated and run down, others were taken care of a clean and at one point my sister went into one of the doors that was open and started making weird noises and then she came out, but behind her was someone with a horse and that person was walking the horse the opposite direction we were going. We kept walking and saw 2 carp fish in the water puddles that were there and then it started sprinkling as we continued to walk but then it stopped. We got to my car which was parked in front of some house and she started hitting on me was super crazy weird so I said we gotta leave this is too weird and she said she was sorry and that it really was weird and she didn't know what was going on and then we got into the car. At this point my sister turned into a boy that looked like my other sisters oldest son and sat in the front seat and my sisters son was in the back seat. We were on the way home and stopped at some restaurant where they wanted me to take a picture of different peoples cars. So I did one, but the next camera I couldn't see through the viewer enough to take a picture so we left and kept driving till we saw this weird house with a bunch of weird signs in front of it. So we exited and in the street were these weird automatic shopping cart looking things that were on these tracks built into the street. I turned into the drive that had a sign blocking it but there was still space from the angle I was at to drive into the drive. We drove up and parked but it was only someones personal house and everything was wide open, front door, windows and all that. The kids wanted to go in cause there was a weird swimming pool thing. So we went in and they started playing in the pool. The water was really weird and it had waves like at the beach and when I touched the sand after the waves moved back it was dry not wet and I grabbed a handfull and it was like it was wet cause it clumped up, but fell like it was dry when I opened my hand. So I grabbed another handful and threw it at my other arm and it stuck for a sec then still fell as if it was completely dry sand. Even when I put my hand in the water and pulled it out, my hand was still dry and that is when I told the boy I think its fake and we should leave. By this time I heard people in other rooms talking and we started to leave. Outside there was a kid with blood on him and he had lots of bandages and another boy that had blood coming out of his nose and mouth that looked dead until he moved. We got outside and there was this older lady asking what were we doing in there and saying that we had no business being in there. I turned around looking back at the house to explain why we were there and what we were doing and when I turned back it was a bunch of younger people with strange paint on their faces and on their clothes as well and they were saying the same thing the old lady said except they were a little more unruly. That's when I said ok we will leave and we're sorry. So we left and drove away, this time I had to run over the sign in the drive and then avoid the automatic shopping cart looking things. As we were driving, I kept thinking about that fake water stuff and how weird it was. Then, still in the dream, my phone buzzed and it was a friend of mine and that is when i woke up from the dream.
want to add that all my dreams have a very surreal feel and look to them and they're all usually also vivid and very......how do i put it.....real....like i can remember even the smallest of details such as the boy that had bandages on one of the bandages was stained looking like a yellowish color and there was a small sign that blood was becoming visible in it and there were strands of the string from the gauze sticking out of one end. he also he a small wrap bandage around his head. he had on a red and white shirt with jeans that were a dirty white color.
It was me and my sister we were going somewhere but it was a long trip and somehow the dream skipped to when we were at the destination. We were walking down some alleyway and there were all kinds of houses that had alot of crap strewn all over, some were dilapidated and run down, others were taken care of a clean and at one point my sister went into one of the doors that was open and started making weird noises and then she came out, but behind her was someone with a horse and that person was walking the horse the opposite direction we were going. We kept walking and saw 2 carp fish in the water puddles that were there and then it started sprinkling as we continued to walk but then it stopped. We got to my car which was parked in front of some house and she started hitting on me was super crazy weird so I said we gotta leave this is too weird and she said she was sorry and that it really was weird and she didn't know what was going on and then we got into the car. At this point my sister turned into a boy that looked like my other sisters oldest son and sat in the front seat and my sisters son was in the back seat. We were on the way home and stopped at some restaurant where they wanted me to take a picture of different peoples cars. So I did one, but the next camera I couldn't see through the viewer enough to take a picture so we left and kept driving till we saw this weird house with a bunch of weird signs in front of it. So we exited and in the street were these weird automatic shopping cart looking things that were on these tracks built into the street. I turned into the drive that had a sign blocking it but there was still space from the angle I was at to drive into the drive. We drove up and parked but it was only someones personal house and everything was wide open, front door, windows and all that. The kids wanted to go in cause there was a weird swimming pool thing. So we went in and they started playing in the pool. The water was really weird and it had waves like at the beach and when I touched the sand after the waves moved back it was dry not wet and I grabbed a handfull and it was like it was wet cause it clumped up, but fell like it was dry when I opened my hand. So I grabbed another handful and threw it at my other arm and it stuck for a sec then still fell as if it was completely dry sand. Even when I put my hand in the water and pulled it out, my hand was still dry and that is when I told the boy I think its fake and we should leave. By this time I heard people in other rooms talking and we started to leave. Outside there was a kid with blood on him and he had lots of bandages and another boy that had blood coming out of his nose and mouth that looked dead until he moved. We got outside and there was this older lady asking what were we doing in there and saying that we had no business being in there. I turned around looking back at the house to explain why we were there and what we were doing and when I turned back it was a bunch of younger people with strange paint on their faces and on their clothes as well and they were saying the same thing the old lady said except they were a little more unruly. That's when I said ok we will leave and we're sorry. So we left and drove away, this time I had to run over the sign in the drive and then avoid the automatic shopping cart looking things. As we were driving, I kept thinking about that fake water stuff and how weird it was. Then, still in the dream, my phone buzzed and it was a friend of mine and that is when i woke up from the dream.
want to add that all my dreams have a very surreal feel and look to them and they're all usually also vivid and very......how do i put it.....real....like i can remember even the smallest of details such as the boy that had bandages on one of the bandages was stained looking like a yellowish color and there was a small sign that blood was becoming visible in it and there were strands of the string from the gauze sticking out of one end. he also he a small wrap bandage around his head. he had on a red and white shirt with jeans that were a dirty white color.
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