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he's always followed his heart
through tall grasses, faded memories,
even through streets of golden elation
always following and trusting
holding for each moment
living in each moment, each hour,
minute, second
but, following his heart has always got him
to the same place, to the same pain
to the same tears and emotions that
scar him deeply
as far back as he can remember
his first valentine's day experience,
his first love, second, third, fourth, and so on
all ending in a broken heart, sadness and tears
you'd think he would become guarded and jaded
but not this one...still, he heads forward
persistently hoping that this time would be different
hope.....yeah, hope can be a torture......
when will someone touch and hold this heart of mine
and cherish it as though it were their own
cherish it as though it was destiny
i hold my arms out wide, my heart and mind out wide
hoping for grace, hoping for the caress of eternity
but still lingers the clouds of loneliness
i cant see anymore, my mind is lost
i feel older and also i feel as if
i were late, like i am arriving late to something
melancholy is a strange thing when it persists
for an extended amount of time
i often times miss the happiness of before
i even miss the sadness i had then too
because at least then i felt something
at least then, the tears streaming down
let me know that i was still alive and
could feel beauty and sadness
but this melancholy as persistent as the sun
such an incredibly lonely thing
i, at least, want to feel something
even if it is sadness and tears
i reach out to others, here n there
but still left outside of things
even the ringing of my ears is deafening
compared to the silence i always hear
sure, i go to a social event once a month
to get my mind refilled with the beauty of live music
but then it's back to isolation
every once in a while a little sadness will creep up into
my mind and even a few tears will well up
but will quickly fade as fast as they came
as the lianas of melancholy choke everything into
a dark nothing, every thought or feeling
why did you take me away from myself?
........he forgot about the late fees
well, the fall season has come to visit again
cooler temperatures, leaves falling
sunlight shortening by the day
the weather has been wonderful lately
at least to me anyway, i love the beauty
of an overcast sky...the abstract ways of the clouds
lots of rain the past few days, but overcast skies
for a few weeks now, or so it seems
physically i feel ok, i guess
i just grow tired of this feeling melancholy
the girl cat lays behind me on my bed
and the boy cat sleeps in the other room
i hope the dragonflies visit me tomorrow
they sometimes like to fly around in the backyard
and seemingly fly by my window on purpose.
maybe that's just me reaching out for a feeling
reaching out to feel wanted and desired
reaching out into space to try to grab a star
reaching out....reaching out...oh god
i'm so incredibly lonely
reaching out to whatever
