2-3-15

tomorrow.......so tomorrow is my birthday
39 years thus far, here's to another 39
just hopefully they'll be easier than the first 39
birthdays, a child's fun day, an excuse day for an
adult to be a kid again....at least to act like one
the excuse for overindulgence and the likes.
i haven't actually celebrated my birthday in years,
at least the past 15 or so years.
my mom usually has a birthday lunch or dinner
for me, cooking up the meal of my choice
of course she does this for all of her kids as well as
for my dad.
for me it hasn't been something i celebrate much
not because i dont enjoy growing older and such,
but because of reasons that i will eventually
disclose here for those that read my ramblings of
emotion and feelings and sometimes just nonsense
well, it's a cool day, looking forward to the warmth
of spring time temperatures and the hydration of the air
perhaps the wasps in the neighbor's roof will return.
well, the girl cat is waiting for me to give her attention
sitting on the ground next to my chair.
the boy cat is probably asleep on my bed.
im not quite sure what tomorrow's activities will bring
but perhaps i'll do something outside of the norm for
a change....of course big change is something i think
im going to save for next year when the 40th mark is
achieved. perhaps a long trip on the road, traveling to
places i've never been, places i've never seen.
too bad i'd have to do it alone. i've always enjoyed
traveling more when it's with someone.
the sort of travels where there's no actual
destination, but rather just go and see where one
ends up. the beauty of possibilities and potential.
well, inside there's still a sadness, the heart still hurts,
but for now, i feel ok, a warm and decent mood
the clock on the wall ticks with a persistance so
strong that it's as if it's forcing me to get up and go
about my day. and so, off i go, on and on into the day
the weeks, the month, into the year, watching and waiting
i dream still, i push on, pushing uphill, both ways, barefeet,
and im happy to do it. i hold on, the reality of it all.