2-10-16 1:21am

well now, im 40 and the days are still short
still waiting to see what happens tomorrow
recently found a good friend from years and years ago
when i was the fresh age of 16 or 17
was nice catching up
i feel ok most days with a hint of melancholy
sometimes with the building of walls
and yes im still jumping through hoops same as you
into an oceanless blue
sort of like ebenezer scrooge, anything and everything.
i used to think that i couldn't become "jaded" so to speak
but with each tear that falls from my eyes
which each broken heart, with each lonely feeling
i can feel the fingers of it tapping my shoulders
i can see it's arms coming from behind me to embrace
me with it's hugs of icy cold
i can sense it trying to guide me to a world of sheer and total defeat
but alas i hang on, as best i can, the whole doing my best thing
well, the girl cat is sitting next to me on the couch
as for the boy cat, he's more than likely in the back room dreaming
this winter, thus far, has been fairly mild, not much of the frozen
temperatures and shivering nights alone in the darkness
i only hope this don't mean a very warm spring and boiling summer
ive recently given up hard liquor(vodka) and haven't had any
in almost a month now, not that i had a problem with it
i only drank when i would hang out with friends, socially.
there's a bottle of vodka in my freezer that's half full and has
been there for months and months, since around june of 2015
i figured for 40 years old i'd try getting back into shape
and getting back to the body i once had, or close to it anyway
now that it's post birthday weekend i've decided to give up
all forms of alcohol as an experiment of sorts to see how things are
well, the grey hair is coming in more and more
i like the hint of age on me, it's kind of nice
a sort of comfort ironically
and with my hair longer than it;s ever been in my entire life
it makes it all interesting
well, these waves of the ocean, relentless, brutal, and very lonely
i ride them as best as i can, it's always easy when you have
someone to ride them with, maybe one day.......
for now ill just wait to see what happens tomorrow.
i dream on