farewell

a collapse of worlds and dreams,
an echo of what once was
a compilation of emotions
i feel completely broken....destroyed
and of course with that comes the loneliness
well hell, it's holiday time now once again
another year gone the way of the wind
and oh how they go by so fast these days
and still the sadness remains
another heart break
each time my heart breaks i feel i lose some of it
so much so that now i feel like there's no
heart left to get broken
i've given it away so many times only for it to be handed back
with pieces missing and broken off
a hollow shell remains, the peanut shells of a bar
"oh he had so much to give and so much potential"
it's hard to wear your heart on your shoulders
while living inside of it, but that's all i knew
a cat's toy, pawed at and played with
just to be discarded
i am beyond tired, on every level
physically, mentally, emotionally, etc etc
i am tired of fighting for dreams and beauty
i think it's time for me to disappear now
the days push wearily on my shoulders
i'm not as strong as i once thought
as i once even felt
my mind is weakened and hurts, unable to bear the
burdens of the heart, aspirations, and of love
but perhaps that is due to my age growing
older and older
the dreams and aspirations i once had grow
dimmer and dimmer
some have even gone completely dark now
but the ones that remain are 
not as bright and vibrant as they once were
i don't bring the beauty and happiness to others
lives like i thought that i once did before
i think about this often, about the good that i've
brought to this world and to others lives
and there's not much that i can see or even any
proof that i've done good or left good impressions
oh how i wished things were different
eventually we all lose the fight
but i figure by now why fight for naught
the days of losing myself in bottles were easier
but even that required effort to do
giving up and disappearing is effortless
i only hope that loneliness doesn't follow me
even into this absence

been extraordinarily difficult 
recently and especially now
to those that want to stay in touch
message me on instagram
i'll be checking it for a short while longer 
before disappearing completely