5-6-15

i've been refraining from my writing lately
the well has been dry, well sort of
i've written a few things, but none that i'd want to
share here just yet, perhaps in the future i will
well, the weather here has been more crazy
than the normal amount of crazy weather
that we have here. with the temperatures going
crazily up and down and up and down again
but at least there's been alot of open windows days
i feel ok today maintaining status quo, i guess
the cats are off in their spaces and places
sleeping and dreaming, im sure
the wasps are busy coming and going from
the roof next door often flying to my window
the days are growing longer and warmer
soon the burn of summer will be here to
send it's oven-like heat down to us all
as for me, well, i dream on, i hold on
eternally

4-9-15

and now you can see me standing there, waiting
you, watching and wondering
me, patiently standing, time does not exist for me
my ocean is deep but you wont drown
your ocean is just as deep and i feel fine
together we glide around and through the water
we fly and float through the air
through all the spaces and crevices of thought and dreams
we transcend space and time into dreams of eternal heaven

well, the spring time conundrum has arrived
the beauty of spring with the annoyance of allergies
beautiful flowers, green fields, blooms blooming
and the runny nose and watery, itchy eyes, the sneezes
ive been silent lately sort of like what i've written before:
"with nothing much to say, he remains silent on this day."
the wasps are busy today, the coming and going
they sometimes visit the window that i watch them from
investigating, foraging, a curiosity
the girl cat plays with a ball that i crafted for her
and the boy cat sleeps on my bed
well, this journey is not for everyone
we often stand confused, bewildered
we just have to understand that we'll never really have it all figured out
we just have to ad lib for the entirety of life
there is no "right" way, there is no "way it's supposed to be"
it's all just ad libbing and i say just go with it
fear is the main thing we should destroy
it doesn't matter if we die for it
it doesn't matter if we fall down
it's not the beginning or the end
it's all of the beauty of the in between
Ani DiFranco put it best:
"my body is borrowed, i got it on loan
for the time between my mom and some maggots."
sadly though, most people don't really see this
of course i don't have it figured out myself
i just share a view from my perspective
well, a nice rain has just started
the sound of a siren permeates the open windows
light thunder claps here n there, gently
the melodic rhythm of the drops
like an audible massage
well, i dream on, on into forests
into fields of flowers, into oceans of heaven
i hold on

3-24-15

and so the wasps have returned to the neighbor's roof
the scurrying and buzzing about, their coming and going
i noticed them a few days ago while daydreaming
no sign of them today though perhaps this is because of the
windy conditions today, which is quite nice
the cats are around, the boy cat sleeps in the back room
and the girl cat sits next to me watching with intent
she tapped my arm which scared me as it usually does, haha.
one would think i'd get used to it, but sadly it still scares me.
i've been enjoying the spring temperatures latelyall the windows opened, breezes flowing through the house
of course with that comes the touch of allergies
although, thankfully, they haven;t been that bad thus far.
i feel fine lately
i dream on.

the girl cat (chrissy) near my chair:

3-10-15

spring is on it's way now, temperatures on the rise
writer's block has made it's way back again
well, sort of, there's a few different things i've been working on
just nothing, as of yet, to put up on here
we are our worst critic or so the saying goes
well, im feeling good, a theme of things lately....eternally
a smile, a feather floating on spring breezes, a sound of heaven
in the ears, on the eyes, into the heart
well, the cats are here, the girl cats sits in my lap purring
the boy cat, probably in the back rooms somewhere, sleeping
they are funny, except of course when they leave the gift of
a hairball or vomit for me to find.
the mule (my car) has been acting up on me lately
work to be done, money to be spent, still wished i had that one car
anyway, i went to the irish festival here this past saturday
or the "gay rodeo" as one used to call it, haha.
annual irish stew, funnel cake, beer, and now chicken fried bacon
yes, chicken fried bacon, with gravy to dip it in. it was delicious
and so spring is welcomed with open arms
driving with the windows rolled down and music playing
well, once the mule is mended
those long drives, those carefree days, those dream like days
and i dream on, into the fields and oceans of eternal heaven

2-25-15

a beautiful day today, a warmth even though it's cold outside
with the ice and cold temperatures and winter's grasp clinging still
soon the arms of spring will come and embrace us and
everything with it's hug of warmth and growth and beauty
i'm feeling great today, positive mood welcomed with open arms
the ice is beautiful, the trees are beautiful, my current thoughts are too
well, the world is still crazy, the times, the things, and the hoopla
but it still has beauty, although usually not found in the confines
of society's grips, but free floating like a boat on ocean waters
madness induced madness, war inducing wars,
still lingers the eternal halls of heaven, free floating
the cats are around here some where, doing their usual cattery
with the eating, sleeping, pooping, and occasional puking
the girl cat sits at the foot of her scratching post, content
the boy cat is, surprisingly, watching out the bay window
usually, by now, he's found a spot on my bed to slumber away
the spontaneity of the mind of a cat, simplicity defined
ironically as i typed that last line the girl cat comes to
my chair and taps me on my right arm as she often does.
scared me and made me laugh at the same time,
which in turn scared her just a little
i have a new mix by a great musician Foxes in Fiction
keeping me company as i sit and write.
download it and have a listen:
http://foxesinfiction.ca/post/112088504231/foxes-in-fiction-live-wnyu-feb-24th-2015
anyway, i float on, i hover on, i dream on, dreaming of heaven

2-9-15

so, the birthday came and went, no difference really
spent the entire day alone, and then went out and spent
the evening into the night alone. then the weekend came
and wasn't much celebration outside of my mom's gathering
had the most beautiful of dreams last night as i slept.
the kind that you really really wished you could stay in.
the most beautiful of beauty, the most brilliant of brilliance,
the most amazing of amazement, yeah a solace it was.
temperatures here yesterday and today were beautiful
yet another hint of spring in the winters time
a definite welcome thing to have in my reality
well, im feeling ok, still smolders the warmth within
slightly tired physically but feeling ok
i still come to that spot in the field of green
that spot we used to sit and lay in time and time again
the tree that we planted still grows tall and green
sometimes i bring a chair and sit for a while watching
the birds and flowers and sparkles of light through the leaves
id like to lay down and nap in that spot
maybe one day wake up to heaven's smile
the warmth, oh the warmth, you know like the warmth
of the suns rays shining through the window on a cool chilly day
warming your arms and hands and face.
and you close your eyes and relish in the moment
well, the cats are around here....
the boy cat sits in the bay window and the girl cat
is playing with a plastic bag with elated excitement
pouncing and pawing and rolling around with it.
anyway, i wonder what tomorrow will bring.
dreaming the dream of dreams
and of heaven

2-3-15

tomorrow.......so tomorrow is my birthday
39 years thus far, here's to another 39
just hopefully they'll be easier than the first 39
birthdays, a child's fun day, an excuse day for an
adult to be a kid again....at least to act like one
the excuse for overindulgence and the likes.
i haven't actually celebrated my birthday in years,
at least the past 15 or so years.
my mom usually has a birthday lunch or dinner
for me, cooking up the meal of my choice
of course she does this for all of her kids as well as
for my dad.
for me it hasn't been something i celebrate much
not because i dont enjoy growing older and such,
but because of reasons that i will eventually
disclose here for those that read my ramblings of
emotion and feelings and sometimes just nonsense
well, it's a cool day, looking forward to the warmth
of spring time temperatures and the hydration of the air
perhaps the wasps in the neighbor's roof will return.
well, the girl cat is waiting for me to give her attention
sitting on the ground next to my chair.
the boy cat is probably asleep on my bed.
im not quite sure what tomorrow's activities will bring
but perhaps i'll do something outside of the norm for
a change....of course big change is something i think
im going to save for next year when the 40th mark is
achieved. perhaps a long trip on the road, traveling to
places i've never been, places i've never seen.
too bad i'd have to do it alone. i've always enjoyed
traveling more when it's with someone.
the sort of travels where there's no actual
destination, but rather just go and see where one
ends up. the beauty of possibilities and potential.
well, inside there's still a sadness, the heart still hurts,
but for now, i feel ok, a warm and decent mood
the clock on the wall ticks with a persistance so
strong that it's as if it's forcing me to get up and go
about my day. and so, off i go, on and on into the day
the weeks, the month, into the year, watching and waiting
i dream still, i push on, pushing uphill, both ways, barefeet,
and im happy to do it. i hold on, the reality of it all.