originally started this earlier today
but only just now finished it
as usual, for best results
scroll down and click play
if it is not already playing
broken limbs crunch under foot steps
through wandering paths to infinity
broken dreams crack under each thought
under the weight of life's aches n pains
that get stacked up onto backs
one can only wonder if middle aged back pains
come from this weight
as the damages take their tolls on minds and hearts
and the bluebird sings it's song
the child plays with not a care in the world
...their universe, untouched, is where real dreams are
and far far away we go, as age stacks up
and shoulders crack and collapse
and we put far too much on our plates
or in some cases far too little
all the while distracting our selves with
habits and behaviors and trinkets and gadgets
and social medias and mind altering chemicals
oh like water in rivers and vapor in winds
the flow don't stop as one dies and more are born
the consumption of a life into nothing
makes one really think how special life actually is
since there's a trillion and one of us all
and we all eventually are forgotten
well, they say it's about the journey
and not the beginning or the end
i always laugh a little when i see or hear that
and immediately the thought comes to my mind
some journeys are brutal and with sure
impending destruction
what about that journey ?
is it also about those journeys
the destroyed ones that have been dragged
through the dirt of the sewers
that have been repeatedly stomped on
whilst they were already down
when they were already defeated before
they were even old enough and strong enough to fight
i've fallen into a spiral of infinite thoughts
thoughts and feelings whose fingers are icy cold
and they squeeze at my throat
i dance across frozen tears
frozen in time and space
and the sirens voice calls me from afar
from the spaces between loneliness and
those dying dreams and aspirations i once held dear
my feet hurt and my head rings
i used to run and slide on the ices and frozen puddles
when i was a child, before the damage was dealt and
before the hunters got their claws and arrows into me
before life grabbed me and wrung me like a dish rag
memories and dreams like leaves on autumn trees
happiness like a fleeting after thought
i even think i am beginning to forget what that even feels like
joy, elation, beauty....clouds are forming and enveloping those
am sure eventually they will become consumed
and i will no longer have a memory of such things
i drove down this road once in a very bad state of mind
i kept driving for a long while and it had gotten dark outside
at some point i was forced off the road and onto a side road
of which had no lights at all and only ended up forcing you to turn around
but before i turned around i saw that was obviously a spot where
someone must have been living various trash and a make shift
bed and such, even some signs of which i couldn't read and
i started to feel an uneasy feeling there so i didn't linger to see what
the signs actually said, they were hand written signs
i couldn't help but wonder who it was that had been there and why
i found myself driving for hours contemplating life and death
that day was my first real glimpse of this desperate darkness i speak of
i mean i had seen it was i was young, but i didn't quite have an understanding
the adult understanding of life and such
i felt it once when i had gotten lost while driving to visit a friend
and as far as i could see there was nothing at all
other than the highway i was on that was even remotely signs of humans
and even that highway i was on was a scarcely used one at that
i couldn't help but to suddenly feel overwhelmed
and a sense of complete insignificance hit me and i got out
of the car and dropped to my knees for a few moments
it wasn't until i got back in the car that i noticed i had been crying
ive no idea why, i wasn't scared or anything and i had no reason to be sad
since i knew exactly how to go back to the road i got there from
maybe one day i'll go again for a drive to try to get lost again
until then i don't even know at all what i am doing anymore
and of course i also don't know where i'm going
other than nowhere
i felt like i was home once, when i was floating on clouds of beauty
and love was as tangible as water, and it was like nothing ever before
i felt normal for that short brief moment in time and in my life
i felt as the mountains, tall and strong and eternal
why did they have to throw me away like a wadded paper
why did they siphon life from me
why did they syphon me out of me
nothing but this deflated busted and worn out balloon left
i often felt like that through my entire life
like chewed gum stuck under cafeteria tables
i feel tired and my head rings still
my words like grains of sand on the beach
what is one grain of sand to an entire beach and an ocean of it?
insignificant
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