and click play on the song
if it is not already auto-playing
thanks for reading
if it is not already auto-playing
thanks for reading
it's funny now, when i allow myself to start thinking,
contemplating things, how i immediately think
is it really worth the energy to think about this?
yet other times, a simple thought creates a chasm
of thought and sometimes i get hit by those deepened
feelings or sensations that i used to get when i was a child
some kind of super deep sensation so difficult to explain
i used to describe it like a calling, like something was calling me
it's happened alot more often lately, very often
i can never put my finger on it though
and i cant help but get the feeling that that is on purpose
as if im not supposed to figure it out
but i also feel that if i can ever figure it out that life will align
into place and that all things will come into perfect view
ah well, just a pipe dream i suppose
ive been maintaining a constant occupied mind, no thinking
no wandering of thoughts or emotions to trickle
up until this evening that is, i, for whatever reason,
randomly stopped and started thinking
not exactly sure why or what the thoughts were
i still rarely communicate with others
keeping a constant processing of procedure or habit
the girl cat died in her sleep about a month ago
which hit me pretty hard since she was my best friend
some would say she was my only friend
death is the strangest part of this existence
of which i can genuinely say that i HATE death
even though i accept it completely and totally
her left over food i decided to start putting some on the front porch
for a cat that randomly started hanging out
contemplating things, how i immediately think
is it really worth the energy to think about this?
yet other times, a simple thought creates a chasm
of thought and sometimes i get hit by those deepened
feelings or sensations that i used to get when i was a child
some kind of super deep sensation so difficult to explain
i used to describe it like a calling, like something was calling me
it's happened alot more often lately, very often
i can never put my finger on it though
and i cant help but get the feeling that that is on purpose
as if im not supposed to figure it out
but i also feel that if i can ever figure it out that life will align
into place and that all things will come into perfect view
ah well, just a pipe dream i suppose
ive been maintaining a constant occupied mind, no thinking
no wandering of thoughts or emotions to trickle
up until this evening that is, i, for whatever reason,
randomly stopped and started thinking
not exactly sure why or what the thoughts were
i still rarely communicate with others
keeping a constant processing of procedure or habit
the girl cat died in her sleep about a month ago
which hit me pretty hard since she was my best friend
some would say she was my only friend
death is the strangest part of this existence
of which i can genuinely say that i HATE death
even though i accept it completely and totally
her left over food i decided to start putting some on the front porch
for a cat that randomly started hanging out
in my front yard a day or two before the girl cat Chrissy died
so now ive been feeding it, i assume, as a way to cope
also, i was told a few days ago, an ex-girlfriend that i dated
was killed in a car accident a week earlier
such a strange feeling when i read the message about her death
gave me a deep sadness, even though we dated some 7 or 8 years ago
if i guess right anyway, was still a heavy drinker then
and dates and order of things are blurred a bit
i'm sad she died and hopefully she didn't suffer or have pain
it made me think of our time together as a couple
some of the memories i have of her and us together
she was a nice woman, we didn't break up on bad terms
more like a mutual drifting apart of sorts
makes me think back on what it feels like to be desired
how it feels to be appreciated, to be loved
i do genuinely miss having that, the privilege of love
the presence of a woman
i miss giving my love, of doing things for and with a girlfriend
of hearing about her day, what her thoughts are
i miss feeling like i wished i could swim inside of her mind
and absorb her thoughts and feelings completely and totally
even just having a female friend, to hang out with
talk things over, watch the fields of grass or the waters of a lake or pond
i feel old these days, undesirable, left behind in the dust of life
i am cautious and weary of others, of their intentions
of getting chewed up and spit out again
im worn out and flattened
i just want to be loved, desired, and appreciated
instead of used up, tossed aside and forgotten
and as another midnight passes by,
i cant help but sit here and feel these emotions
of grief, of loneliness, of alienation
while dreaming of a life of love
a life so far off and distant that i can only see it in dreams
like an echo in a deep canyon
an echo
so now ive been feeding it, i assume, as a way to cope
also, i was told a few days ago, an ex-girlfriend that i dated
was killed in a car accident a week earlier
such a strange feeling when i read the message about her death
gave me a deep sadness, even though we dated some 7 or 8 years ago
if i guess right anyway, was still a heavy drinker then
and dates and order of things are blurred a bit
i'm sad she died and hopefully she didn't suffer or have pain
it made me think of our time together as a couple
some of the memories i have of her and us together
she was a nice woman, we didn't break up on bad terms
more like a mutual drifting apart of sorts
makes me think back on what it feels like to be desired
how it feels to be appreciated, to be loved
i do genuinely miss having that, the privilege of love
the presence of a woman
i miss giving my love, of doing things for and with a girlfriend
of hearing about her day, what her thoughts are
i miss feeling like i wished i could swim inside of her mind
and absorb her thoughts and feelings completely and totally
even just having a female friend, to hang out with
talk things over, watch the fields of grass or the waters of a lake or pond
i feel old these days, undesirable, left behind in the dust of life
i am cautious and weary of others, of their intentions
of getting chewed up and spit out again
im worn out and flattened
i just want to be loved, desired, and appreciated
instead of used up, tossed aside and forgotten
and as another midnight passes by,
i cant help but sit here and feel these emotions
of grief, of loneliness, of alienation
while dreaming of a life of love
a life so far off and distant that i can only see it in dreams
like an echo in a deep canyon
an echo
