2/10/2022 9:30pm

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posting this a little earlier than the usual
midnights passing hour
thanks for your attention

ive seen beauty sometimes
at the tops of mountain peaks
and in the brilliant blue skies
occasionally when i've looked into
the eyes of women ive seen beauty defined
defined in the lines of skin creases and hellos
ive seen the beauty that makes those mountain peaks
and blue skies stand aside in awe
i now watch the world as an observer
and i reside in the light of eternity
ive been silent of late as the words escape me
even though i feel good lately
another birthday came and went and am now 46 years old
i was originally due on january 25th, 
but apparently i wasn't ready and even on the 4th of february
i wasn't ready and had to be induced
perhaps a prelude to the rest of my life, ha
but lately, i've begun to gain an understanding i feel
of the world, this life, the human experience
i just needed my eyes wiped clean so to speak
some years of isolation and deprivation most definitely 
wiped them clean
i wasn't much of a religious or a spiritual person
all my life, but the past 10 years or so i begun
to sense things in this world but lacked the perception
needed to see them proper
and as i was still a drunken type living in dreams and at the bottom
of bottles i was far from that perception
and so taking an extreme isolation and at the same time complete
sobriety and some years passing with a torturous existence
my eyes were even more so opened to those things that i sensed
this battle of good and evil that is literally everywhere we look
i  began praying again each morning and each night
with random times during the day
and ive felt a difference inside and outside
and as things seemingly were revealed to me during prayers
and during deep thought and thinking
ive felt as though the spiritual and religious aspect of human life
have some real substance, some real tangible aspect to them
i may elaborate deeper and further in the future on here
i look forward to where ever this path may take me
i open my arms and mind and soul to the potentials that await
i pray for the world that we all can really look at one another,
that we can get back to the days of mutual respect
and to overcome the evil that wants to see us all defeated
and as another midnight passes by i am thankful to be alive
to see the beauty of this planet we are all on together

Assembly Field · anthéne - the company i keep

8-9-2021 11:32pm

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i sometimes sit down to empty
the contents of my mind
and will sit for a while overthinking every
single thought that comes to mind
sometimes it becomes an inner struggle
of which i end up tossing the thoughts
out and scrapping anything i had written
i even have gone back and reread some
of the things i've written before
back when i was still drinking
and compared them to things ive recently written
and i think did drinking really change me that much
or did i myself change because of my deep
isolation and sobriety that is still ongoing
i think deep down i've always felt big
had deep thoughts and emotions
but i buried most of myself away with drinking
and self destructive behaviors 
but perhaps i have changed a bit
i think it is impossible to have such an isolation
and to not be changed by it 
especially in the way i did
going from being an extremely social person
to an isolated hermit rarely going outside
going from tons of friends to practically none
and all the while coming to the age realization
that i'm 45 years old and a crossroads is very very near
the reality of mortality and life and life with no meaning
and the constant struggles that go with that
and all the while with no support system
so sometimes ill sit down with plenty of thoughts
just to get up having written nothing down
i guess ill admit i'm probably not the same 
person i was back then and i most definitely 
feel different inside
the core of me is the same, 
it's hard to say, though, how i feel these days
so much intense repetition and habit
that life has blurred
so much isolation that my feelings and thoughts
appear in my head the way dust or lint appears
when it's in the air and it goes into the light of a sunbeam
those tiny sparkles and the floating tumbles in the air
for some reason lately, i've started to feel 
a kind of burning inside, like a fire is lit
no idea why or what it is about, but for now i
entertain this feeling and i don't push it out
and as another midnight passes
and the and as the flames of insanity burn brightly 
on the horizons of people the world over
i sit here thinking
sifting through the days thoughts
curious of what the burning inside may mean

Artem Amirkhanyan · Է

something to think about

something i found that lines up
with my thoughts on things
ive written similar thoughts before
check it out