11-20-2024 23:40

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the cold has arrived with it's embrace

and darkness comes earlier and earlier each day

i sit with an empty mind and an empty heart

bound to a fate so very different than i'd ever desired
as time and age begins to take it's toll

to begin to deplete that which emotional and 
childhood damages did not 

i've looked forward to the overcast grey skies
and the brisk breezes that flow
driving with the windows down
feeling the chills touch through my hair
and on my skin a soothing comfort of sorts
a sort of reminder there are still things i can enjoy
albeit ever so subtle and miniscule

what is a dreamer without dreams?

what is a lover without love?

what is a middle aged man without a purpose?

left behind and tossed aside like old shoes
to cry out to an empty room
to reach out to no response
like feeling around in a pitch black room
hands extended out reaching, searching,
reaching and searching, feeling, grasping...
as i remain in a mostly isolated state
coming up on 6 years since i shut myself in
disconnected from it all
from the hunters and their arrows
from the constant persistence of rejection
from being not good enough, second best
disconnected from myself

and now that my kitties are dead and buried
i'm really alone and feel it like never before
the lianas of emptiness have crowded 

and have taken over my thoughts of late
and not just an ordinary emptiness
but a complete emptiness, like nothing
i've ever felt before, so empty in fact that
it's become an absence, a collapse

oh i long for companionship
i long for a beautiful woman's love
and her presence, her thoughts
to envelope me like a cloud
to lift me and carry me away to those 

oh so beautiful and soothing fields of green grasses
if only, if only, if only, i could be so lucky
if only i could be free of this life i live
if only for once i could have the things 

in life i've always wanted and dreamed of

i just want to be free

i don't know how much more i have in me

how much more will to persist....to exist

and as another midnight passes,

i sit watching the world, time pass by

quicker and quicker as each year ticks by

and i wonder how much longer i'll be left
behind, forgotten and left to watch the world

and time pass me by
for life itself to pass me by