11-29-14

1:34am
so thanksgiving has come and gone once again,
the food, the family, the fun of old memories
photographs of old times of youth explored again
family time is nice, but saddens me a bit
all i ever do during this time of year is try to stay in my dreams
stay in my heaven
i should have a family of my own by now
at least a partner, a significant other, a lover
i long, oh i long for the feeling of arms wrapped around me
real hugs and embraces, real passion and kisses
oh how i miss getting lost in each others eyes
oh how i miss these things, these simple but oh so important things
people take advantage of the simplest of things
especially of relationships, the expressing feelings
saying the simplest of words, words like i love you
words like i miss you, words like you're so incredibly beautiful
heaviness weighs on shoulders of what was once a boy
boulders placed early on for him to battle till his life is gone
forgotten are the shores of his beach
only memories remain to eventually get sun bleached
i refrain from stopping the pain of life
the pains of stress and heart ache and strife
i feel, i feel, i feel
so, the cats are somewhere around here, probably in a
gentle state of deep sleep, which is also something i miss
since insomnia tends to pay me regular visits lately
i feel sad alot these days, not because of winter's arrival
but mostly because of life.
cried a bit here n there today, the icy feeling of tears
left to dry on my cheeks and eyes
maybe one day things will not just go the way i'd like them to,
but remain that way forever
one day, one day
a few months away from my birthday, but sadly it's
not something i look forward to, not because of getting older,
but for other reasons. i actually enjoy being older, growing older.
i have Scarfolk Council keeping my ears and mind going
and my mind ruminates, the cogitation endlessly
and alas, i dream on, i push on, and mostly of all, i hold on

all i see, tree after tree

all i see, tree after tree, rooted deep in their soils of comfort
soils of toil and trouble and stresses
but look up top at the blooms and fruit and flowers of their soil
brilliant and beautiful, colorful and fresh
each with it's own seeds that will also search for soils of comfort
soils of toil and trouble and stresses
row after row, line after line of trees
each rooted deep, but not necessarily immobile
such a variety, such a wonder, such randomness
all the while identical, copies, prints of the before
even their soils of toil and trouble and stresses are commonality
commonality, commonality, a template of similarities
trees in gardens, in forests, in a preservation, in parks
in neighborhoods, in slums, in alleyways, in parking lots
in river beds, flower beds, in a persons mind.
all i see, tree after tree after tree, rooted in their soils of comfort

written sometime ago, don't rightly remember when
at the time i felt it was incomplete
but i figured now, ill post it anyway.

11-9-14

beautiful day, 71 degrees fahrenheit
windows open breezy winds flow in
i feel ok, heart aches, mind is busy though
the sun shining through the tree in the front yard
casts a nice shadow on the neighbor's roof
right near where the wasps took residence, although
there's no sign of them today
the cats...the girl cat is bathing on top of the television
and the boy cat sleeps elsewhere.
writers block seems to be slowly lifting, well very slowly.
had some decent ideas here n there lately.
i dream all the time...most of my waking hours
and my sleeping dreams, well, those are still strange
it's funny, i've become uninterested in most of the hobbies
i enjoy, well, i guess i should say enjoyed
i find myself vegging away at times, doing nothing at all
and other times im going for walks or drives
thinking all the while of everything and of only a few things
maybe i should find new hobbies and/or things to do
it's just only like the waves of the ocean
always with the highs n lows, ups n downs
there's usually a balance
it's always easier when you have someone to ride the waves with though
cause then you can help each other balance, help each other to feel
help each other to feel...
those warm days, those sweaty palms from holding hands so long days
those magic dream days, those passion filled heaven  days
those safest of safe days, those time stood still days
those days play out the most to me in my dreams and memories
those time standing still days, those days, the purest of such
i often watch other people and see them living in those days
and it makes me smile, i wished i could see more people in those days
i ache a bit in loneliness, missing those days
and yeah, seeing the other people with it adds a heaviness to that,
but i still smile in knowing i get what they're possibly feeling
but i still dream, i still float through heaven there.
waves of the ocean
i ride still, i ride on, i push on, i dream on