i cant seem to find a state of mind
that doesn't confine my minds potential
perhaps it's consequential due to my lack of love
a lack of love.....
or maybe it's just a lack of feeling wanted or needed
i always find a state of mind
that keeps me confined within a dream about tomorrow
what about right now, today?
i cant stop wishing my life away
i cant stop....
i always find a state of mind
that keeps the tears flowing
rivers of pain that keep the mental weeds growing
even though at 40 i should be showing my age
instead, i'm plagued by the potential of what isn't
of what isn't......
i always find a state of mind
that keeps me frozen in time
of the days when the haze went out of my head
those warm golden beauty days
days without the crazed daze of wrestling mental bears
of feeling loved, feeling wanted, feeling needed, feeling whole
feeling the completion of when two solitary souls
join together as one for what should be eternity
but you see, for me, things didn't turn in that direction
it went halfway and to the middle then a sudden separation
a desperation takes over
i went from feeling young, to feeling older
older than my age, older than my brain
a lack of love?
maybe.....we all feel better when that part is fulfilled
we all see better then
we all feel stronger and bolder and more beautiful than ever
we can conquer the world and back again
but without it, well like a plant without water we wither
wither away into yesterday, into yesterday, yesterday
lonely days lately, but isn't that the usual?
writers block seems to have temporarily lifted, or has it?
i feel melancholy, or maybe it's more like nullified
a feeling of null or void or maybe all of the above
it would be nice to say that things finally went the way
i always dream them to, the way i've always wished them to
it would be elation, the creativity would spill from me again
the way water in spring comes from mountain top snow
melting in the spring warmth
well, i stay dried most of the time now
i sometimes wonder if there's anyone else like me
who cries the way i do, who feels the way i do
who wears their heart on their shoulder while living
inside of it the way i do
i often think of how others ache and in what ways
they might be aching.......i wonder
i wonder if there's anyone that dreams the way i do
that looks at the moon and wonders who else is looking at it too
i wonder if there's anyone who dreams of someone magical
that takes them and embraces them for who exactly they are
i wonder if there's anyone else out there who understands
is there anyone else at all
well, i've always felt i stand alone most of my life
i long for the days when that feeling leaves me forever
i need that so bad these days, i need it so bad that
i can damn near feel it, but of course, it's always out of reach
anyway, the girl cat sleeps on the back of the second couch
and the boy cat remains unseen, probably in the back sleeping
i've seen the wasps in the neighbors roof lately, back to their usual
coming and going and scurrying about
although, i have not seen the neighbor in a year or more
not even her car is there anymore
she was an elderly lady that lived alone with a small dog
well anyway, i dream still
i dream on, i push on, i hope for better days
better days....i dream
b_m from cabina on Vimeo.
