don't you remember?

don't you remember? us talking in this very spot
a ballet of words and flirtations
a ballet that set the stage for war
a war that i waved the white flag of surrender 
you fucked me up and you know it
but i don't blame you
but i am angry at you, for doing what all the others did
for making me believe lies that were never true
angry at myself, for falling for those words
but when i dive into love, i dive head first
with my hands free, so i'm also to blame
you have to understand that some books,
when you come to the last page and close them,
they are not meant to be reopened or reread
that it's absolute best to close them and leave them
so you never look at them again
keeping the knowledge of them in you
so you can remember the lessons learned
the pains lived and healed from
and yes to cherish the good memories from them
don't you remember? you said you loved me
that you loved me unconditionally
that you loved me
i know i said i wouldn't ever let you go
and i'm sorry, but i had to
i had to because it was killing me
it was killing me holding onto you
holding onto your memory
holding onto your words
words that as time passed i began to see into
and see through to the light of reality
and so i let go of you...i grieved for you
like i've never grieved for anyone or anything
and now i just wanted you to know
i hope that you fly higher than dreams
that the world moves for you
that your world is brighter and more beautiful than
anything ever before
i abstain

unfinished

this was written sometime in 2013
and sat in my drafts until now
it remains unfinished 
because i hit a mental block
each time at the end
and i dislike it mostly
as always click play on the
song first, if it's not auto playing

waves wash up on sun bleached shores
sparkling sun light reflections on the waters
in my mind i know the definitions
but to put it all in words is a whole different thing
the torrent of words and thoughts and memories
overwhelm
i try to keep my head above the waters,
but most days i drown
the water flows up and pushes small broken
branches and twigs around that lie on the shore
their dance, while the water holds and caresses them,
is a magic most don't even think about
i look up to see the tree limb reaching down
almost touching the water
i know how that feels
with things being always just out of my reach
unable to touch and hold them all
surrounded by missed possibilities
that's a dance i wished i never had to dance
leaves break off and blow in the wind
down on the water and on the land
their flips and rolls through the air
so carefree and gentle
oh lord, what that must feel like
then it's a dance of water or wind and leaves
the autumn winds blowing

untitled

a short little something that came to 
me while i was in the shower this morning
not really long enough for a song to be put into it
but i put one anyway 

poison me not with your words
let them fall into your own soils
to render whatever harvests for you
let me be unto my own struggles
unto my own soils and crops
that i may roam in my solace of silence
that one day i will fly higher than eagles