1-12-17

well, it's the new year now, the holidays in recession
my birthday nears in a few weeks, nothing new there
another day, another year older, closer to the unknown
and so my mind is still the same, not much moving
around in there these days, spit out a few new "pieces"
of digital art, but those are as simple to create as eating pizza
today was a hard day, harder than usual,
the weight of a thousand thoughts piled on my mind
a thousand thoughts of a thousand lifetimes
been physically sick for the past few days
some kind of flu/upper respiratory infection type thing
there were two days of not being able to move much at all
didn;t eat for nearly 48 hours, but did drink a little
and still became very dehydrated with the chapped/cracking lips
body feeling ok now, but head and lungs still funky
the cough is brutal at times as well with the headaches and such
that and this state of mind and we're talking a real party here
well, the cats are up to their usual of this hour.
in the back room sleeping in ways we only dream of
my wings were clipped shortly after i was born
my body has only ever flown high up in the sky
when i had true, romantic, unconditional love
and ive only ever had that once.
and now i dream, i dream a dream eternally

some days

some days, i feel the pain of a thousand years
a thousand years of heartache, heartbreak, and loss
and oh do my eyes ache...ache so loudly
some days,  i feel the hopelessness of the orphaned child
the orphaned child that cries in the moonlit night
waiting, hoping for the bliss of adoption
some days, i feel the defeat of a conquered city
buildings crumbing and in ruins
smoldering pillars of smokes rising into the sky
some days, i feel the abandonment a that a pet
that was left behind in some random parking lot to fend for itself
a desperate clinging to any and all that come along
to get beat down or taken for granted
some days, i feel the pain
some days, i feel the hopelessness
some days, i feel the defeat
some days, i feel the abandonment
today, is one of those days

insomnia driven writing....well sadness and insomnia