thoughts and feelings after listening to the song at the bottom
it should be auto-playing, but if not, click play then read.
the bitterness of a failed life flows from my mouth
as i exhale in sadness
i've turned into a warped, frustrated, angry man
angry at the world, but you'd never know it
as i open doors for people and smile at people
as i pass them by
spreading kindness, perhaps, to make up for what
is lacking completely in my life
a failure of life
i imagined, over and over, how life could have been
a torture of thoughts and emotions
......those waters are the roughest to swim through
i watch people in life, in traffic and in places
going nowhere in a hurry and cursing you for
not abiding to their desires, to their life
you're evil because you are not like them
or you're evil because you're too different
to fit in any mold or group of thought or description
an alien among fellow people
......i wonder if mars is nice this time of year?
oh it's tiring and so weakening to me
to live labeled and branded
punished forever, every single day
still persecuted and hunted to this day
my birthday has become the most depressing
part of my life and wont ever be better
....those chains are the heaviest of them all
hiding away has been the only strategy
to cope with things as they are
but how lonely that is
sure, there's is a solace in solitude
but everyone needs love, and everyone needs a friend
i can't even remember what a real hug feels like
i don't remember the last time someone
touched my face out of love
i don't even know when the time time i heard
the words i love you and felt it too
oh hell, this world, this life is the strangest goddamned thing
i have ever seen or imagined
so bizarre, so abnormal
well, i am still here, somewhere between the lost memories
and the dried tear drops that have stained my face forever
trying to make sense of this world makes me more
confused than when i first started trying
and of course the failures immediately follow
a failure of life
there's not much i have done successfully
most everything in my life ends up in failure
and so why even try anymore.
the definition of insanity, doing the same thing
over and over expecting the results to change
so, giving up changes things, maybe
i'm so tired
tired of sleep disturbances, tired of aches and pains
tired of heart ache and body ache and head aches
tired of life giving me lemons and
expecting me to give tomato juice
dreams?? what are those?
only the means to disappointment and sadness
most everything has already been beaten out of me
im only middle aged and stuck in such a sordid state
oh well, at least the birds sing their songs and the wasps fly
to and from the crack in the neighbor's roof
and the cats lay in contentment with dreams of beauty
oblivious to an aching man with these nonsensical thoughts and feelings.
who i am anyway?? no one at all.
no one at all.
