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it was a great idea and great feeling
to want to go out and love the world
to live and laugh and love
to run around carefree with delight in all things
but the chains of reality are thick
chains of fear
chains of pain
chains of safety
chains that have still kept me from
going and doing things and enjoying
the beauty of this world
oh, i've gone for drives around
visiting places of old that i once visited
rolling the windows down and feeling
the magic of air swirling and blowing
seeing people from the comfort of
a car and them in theirs
maybe a smile and a nod
maybe a pleasantry of motioning
someone to go instead of me
but still the isolation inside the car
i'd love to go for walks or hikes
especially for health purposes
my body knows it sure could use it
but the world, even with it's beauty
is as caustic as ever before
there is no solace or escape
except, perhaps, in the inevitability of death
even now, as people are being mentally
herded like cattle into mindsets and behaviors
herded by medias and talking heads
leading us to anger and separation
people picking out all the mistakes
and bad decisions someone has made
as if they all themselves have never made any
people expecting the world to be perfect
and yet ignoring the fact that we as
human beings are imperfect
and so too the world is imperfect
and that expecting perfection
from imperfect beings is not logical
it's not logical and will always lead
to disappointment which in turn will lead
to all the other forms of negativity
people have forgotten the way
they are lost, wandering with no direction
confused as to why they are angry
the TRUE reasons as to why they are angry
it wouldn't even occur to them to perhaps
go back to how we all once used to think
before the medias and social medias and
hive mind set mentalities took control
and guided them all to today's realities
the days back when people didn't care about
the mistakes or bad decisions of others
they didn't care about each others differences
when we just looked at each other and saw
the truth with no separation or nit-picking
when we saw that we're all here on this planet
in different countries with different cultures
all of us doing the SAME things
living and doing what we can to live
doing what we can to be happy and healthy
being an outsider looking in,
i've always took a step back and away to view
this world and this life
being that i do not use any form of "social media"
and having been in this extended extreme isolation
i often reflect on what once was and what is now
seeing what was different between the two
the changes that have occurred
the things that could be the causality of the troubles
that now plague the so called "modern" world
but oh, what would i know?
i'm a middle aged man struggling within myself
torn with what i once dreamed of and what i have now
and also wrestling mental bears
bears that win the wrestling more than i win
and the swirl of thought that can choke out
the wind from the trees that sway within it
and the plethora of emotions that can cloud up
with the rain of ten billion tears
tears that build up and flood the fields of beauty
the fields of beauty within my mind
like a raging hurricane clearing trees like nothing
i call myself an outsider
because for most of my life i've felt like such
someone on the outside looking in through the window
and the only times i've EVER felt like an insider is when
i've felt loved, really and truly loved,
and, of course, that has been seemingly rare in my life.
(i don't mean blood related family love either
such as mom, dad, brother, sister)
well, i don't hold much hope for this world
this society, such as it is
being an optimistic realist, i hold some hope
but i don't let that hope get too high
as my life is chained down,
so too are my hopes for society.
my dreams and aspirations
the ones that are somehow still left
are also chained down
one day ill be a forgotten memory faded away
faded away into nothingness
and even these words i type out here
will eventually be long forgotten
but maybe someone, somewhere in this world
can read this and perhaps think about this life
and perhaps they can get just a little something
out of my mind's contents and struggles and thoughts.
and maybe they wont feel as i feel
the loneliness of ten billion lifetimes
