the shadow

there is a shadow that follows me every single place i go
it follows me with every single person i walk with,
with every single friend i spend time with,
with every single step i take
there is a shadow that weighs me down heavily
it makes my steps in this life that much harder,
it makes me fall out of breath sometimes
makes me drop to my knees sometimes
there is a shadow that holds me down on the ground
it smothers me and tries to do me in
it tries to get into my mind and stop me from thinking
stop me from being positive and feeling good
there is a shadow that follows me every where i go
there is a shadow, a shadow
that shadow.
soon i will break free from it or it will consume me

have a listen

also check this one out:

untitled

time passes and the crowd changes, different faces yet the same people
the malaise lingers like fingers on the window still drawing faces in condensation



this one is short
maybe ill come back and edit/add to it
if and when i feel the need to

left behind

the ring left behind in the bathroom
the empty glass left behind at the picnic table
the wallet left behind at the gas station
the cell phone left in the car
the cd or dvd left at a friends' house
the jacket left behind in the car
the old toy left behind as the child grows up
the child left behind because it wandered off
the broken down car left behind on the side of the road
the abandoned house left behind to fall apart
the pet left behind to fend for itself in a parking lot
the broken down person left behind after a break up
the tears left behind after crying out in pain
the memories left behind after love is gone
the heart left behind, those hearts we all leave behind
those memories and dreams we all leave behind.....
when we die

the little boy

the little boy goes to the toy store, he's not allowed to go in,
he's only allowed to look in and watch through the window
watching the other kids go in the store, watching them play
with all the toys and games,
watching them play with all those toys and games that he'd love
to have and hold and play with
kid after kid, he watches them one after another
he's just watching them from the window
in the cold or heat, in the rain or shine
wishing, dreaming, and wanting
the little boy gets older and grows up and he's no longer
at the toy store, but rather he's at the store of life
waiting and watching through the window
still not allowed to go in, only watch through that clouded window
he watches person after person go in
he watches them get all their dreams and wishes and wants fulfilled
sometimes, he moves on, floating and drifting from store to store
wandering and meandering seemingly aimlessly
often he's allowed to step one foot into the door
a tease, a taunt, a hint at the seams of dreams he's had forever
often haunted by the memories of old
"you're not allowed, you can't do that, you're not allowed"
"you are not allowed"
he still holds still, steadfast on his last remaining dream
who knows what will happen to that little boy


i'm unsure if this is complete or not
perhaps it's not, perhaps it is

another random journal entry

cool air settles over warmer temps
was an average day, light amount of traffic on the roads
we lost ourselves to materialism and triviality
things like the way it was supposed to be and the should haves and could haves
we've also lost ourselves to comparisons....look at the hendersons' new car
or worst of all the celebrity bullshit
we've given ourselves much too high expectations
we'll never reach our goals or be truly satisfied or even surprised
when our expectations are so high
nor will we ever when we allow our decisions to be made for us
our expectations create limitations....
prevention controls our creativity and overall happiness
as i write this, i notice my handwriting seems more decayed and flawed
in the skill level of it and in it's appearance
probably due to having gone so long without actually writing
we've gotten used to technology
for some reason writing by hand feels more personal, more intimate
it feels more real than just typing it.
now we can begin to understand the drawbacks of today's "modern" world

the young child

the child walks with mom holding her hand, unaware of what life
could have in store for her, unaware of heart ache and stress,
innocently skipping along as she walks holding her mom's hand
time passes and will also tell what will happen to that little girl.
lost souls wandering aimlessly, searching for who or what they are
lost by the confusion this life throws our way
when we're young, we know the way, but life deters us from that
as we age till we're endlessly searching, crying, and dying
it sets us up for defeat many times, some of which we need
in order to learn, others we don't need and it pushes us further
away from the way....the way of innocence and oblivion
more and more times passes and we get pushed further and further away
till we're like a lost wandering child who can't find it's mother
all the while thinking we have it all figured out, that we know exactly
all the answers and all the solutions when we're all blind.
what am i doing? who am i? where is this ride taking me?
it will leave you behind in the dust and when you finally
clear your eyes it's almost too late for you
for some it is too late and even others are dead before then.
the balloon in the corner is losing it's air, deflating slowly
and surely till it's flat and gone.
in the meantime, the wind gently tosses it around
back and forth, wobbling and meandering along, no where to go
dropping down to size after size, smaller and smaller

the view through a water beaded windshield

i look through this water beaded windshield,
colours beginning to blend together like spilt watercolors on paper
the people begin to disappear, cars blurred with movements in passing
we all look through this water beaded wind shield
it is our perception and the water is our tears, our stresses, our pains
our sadnesses and loneliness, our broken hearts and broken bones