1-16-2018

12:12 AM  or  00:12

i just want to live out my days in....
well hell, the broken record repeats again
still goes the melancholy ways most of the time
except today, the emotions and thoughts overflowed
again and flooded my entire body until the tears
were forced to flow out, those rivers of pain
i'll be forty two in a few weeks
and i'm weaker than most, i'll admit that fully
even weaker than anyone else even knows
all i can imagine are ways to flee from reality
not because of that age, that's actually a comfort to me
but because of the hunters, the arrows and bullets flying at me
the vials of poison tossed into my face
because of the weights and chains and traps that
keep me from flying high in the sky
flying high in dreams of eternal bliss
oh god, i want more than anything to be
swooped up and caressed as i'm carried high high high
into the most beautiful of skies
i want the all the things that everyone else takes full advantage of
without even a thought about how lucky they are to have
oh how i've dreamt of all those brilliant and beautiful things
they really don't know what they have
some of them do though, and those are the ones that fly the highest
the ones that understand and see clear
my pleas fall on deaf ears or rather they fall on the pavement of highways
blown around by passing cars, by winds, ran over and crushed by tires and weight
or they're grabbed up and held for a while and then tossed back on the ground
well, at least the birds still sing their songs
and, unfortunately, the dogs bark theirs as well, keeping me up sometimes
the noisy neighbors have a dog now, to add to the
already noisiness that comes from over there
when will the winds turn in my favor?
when will the birds sing me a song?
when will the laughter of sheer bliss grace my ears?
when will the brilliance of eternal love grace me with forever?
anyhow, the girl cat sleeps in the back room somewhere
as does the boy cat, they dream in ways
and i....well, like always, im just waiting to see what happens tomorrow

the glass

the glass sits on the table in the room
the house abandoned long ago
there are signs in the glass that the water that
was once in it evaporated slowly over time
dust has settled and collects in it
let the walls be blue since that was his favorite color
the paint is faded and chipped
dust has also settled on it discoloring it slightly
and there are spots on the wall where pictures once hung
and even signs of the broken and deteriorating pictures on the floor
the couch sits in communion with the broken windows
it's color faded to mere shades of various greys
leaves have gathered on the floor, blown in
in some corners the leaves too have begun to decay
and create soil spots where life could possibly grow from
in a back room are signs of a child's room
various abandoned toys lie on the floor
an old toy box and child's bed are there
as are leaves that were blown in
an old doll is there, lying on it's left side
it's eyes staring eternally into the wall with a small tree growing out of it
part of the wall and roof are collapsed from the tree's life
the front door to the house is covered with boards and nailed shut
in most every room are signs of people going in through the windows
and wasting time with cigarettes and booze, even some graffiti left
the rooms sing songs for the wind that blows through
and for a small moment he felt happy to be able to hear them sing
if it was up to him he'd stay there in that house forever
dreaming the most brilliant dreams while waiting for the rooms
to sing their songs again, even if only for a while
he imagines what the house was like before
what the people that lived there were like
and what they may have gone through
but oh does the rooms' songs sound so incredible beautiful
oh but there's only one sound that is the single most beautiful sound
of them all, but he can only dream of that anymore
and so he focuses on the abandoned house that he photographed once
when he was 22 and thinks of the songs it once sung

this is based off of a real abandoned house that i 
went to and photographed about 20 years ago
and it's based off of how i feel lately 
it came to me while listening to this song below
for best effect, play the song and read it while the song plays 
and as always, thanks for reading

i want to be free

im afraid to spread my wings and fly
the hunters will shoot me down dead
so i stay down in the shadows and hide
i watch life go by in small doses, mostly alone
and each time i've ever tried to fly even just a little
the hunters and hawks swoop in and cut my wings
they cut my wings mid flight so i fall and crash down
sometimes another comes to me and we fly together
mostly for short distances and in short spans of time
then they're gone as if the hunters took them away
and when i sleep i dream endlessly of beauty eternal
and when i day dream i try to stay there as long as possible
but always the reality of my world hits me hard
and my eyes fill with the emotions i keep hidden
i dream of being saved from the hunters
of being able to fly as high as i've always wanted to
as high as i've always dreamed of
i hope for someone to come that wont break my wings
someone that would love to fly as high as me
and that would love to fly the endless skies with me.

came to me a few minutes ago
thanks for reading