decisions and choices

living in disguise should come as no surprise when things begin to fall,
as life affects your fall towards the ground of choices we make
all the changes from the mistakes and blinders we fake
there are only choices between fear and love to make
time will tell the affects the choices will take


this is not complete, but writers block kicking in for the moment

another passes

and so another maple leaf passes by me
floating effortlessly in the river as it goes out of sight
and cant help but think how many more leaves will
i get to watch come to me then pass me by
i am in the same river as they and still
i watch them all as they proceed

this is obviously not finished yet, but oh well
posting it anyway and then will either finish it
or just scrap it and move on
it's speaking of friendships and how
for some of us they come and go
no matter how much it happens it's usually tough
especially when it's a close friend, a best friend
and then you dont have that one person you can talk to
anymore
anyway i will finish it(as if anyone actually reads this thing)

sharing music videos

this is to share a few songs with whomever might read my pointless
rambling of a dilapidated blog
2 of my all time favorite songs by richard d james(aphex twin)
but in reverse:
stone in focus 
http://youtu.be/UndhEm9NBCo
rhubarb
http://youtu.be/nh9TUcku57E

both of these are beautiful and sad and i love it

random thoughts

the cloud consumes what's in my mind. the truth that hides i did not find.
to read completely between the lines, will keep me confined within my mind.

woke up one morning and after going through the first half of my day
i begun to think as usual and the above is what first came to my mind
often feel like i am fighting a losing battle.....and the fight is getting old.
Used and abused is a mainstay. being the "nice guy" and all.
this last bit i found randomly on the internet.

I'm digging my way to something better. i'm sowing the seeds I take for granted.
This thorn in my side is from the tree I planted. And it tears me and I bleed 

life

i've been walking for what seems like a long time now.
my shoes have gotten worn down with small holes.
i've fallen down quite a number of times and hurt myself.
the longer i've been walking the more inclined the path gets.
as i walk ice has begun to form on the path.
more and more difficult the walk becomes as i try to maintain.
i pretend to not be affected, i try to keep my mind away.
all the while the walk becomes a struggle and not a walk.
struggling to move forward without a fall.
struggling to the point that it becomes a crawl.
the more i persist, the more obstacles are thrown in my way.
hope comes to help and haunt me, to entice and let me down.
perhaps things are already changing as i feel a warmth coming
a warmth that could melt the ice on the path
a warmth that i've dreamed about all these years.
the years i've been walking down this path.