8-27-2017 with: paper

did she destroy me? 

no, hardly, more like she wadded me up like paper. 

rather i wadded myself up in response to her absense

in response to the world around me

all i need is to be massaged with words, 

with hands and love and flatten me out gently 

so you can see me as i truly am. 

without the masks of wrinkles and mechanisms

that protect me from the very things i want most 

written on this day in 2014

once again, not sure if it's done or not

27-8-2017 19:06

well here i am, the thoughts and words are a jumble

the heart is sad and we are drifting

a log in a stream, a buoy at sea, a hot air balloon in the sky

the days grow shorter now as the sun tries to hide

sooner and sooner each day

tries to hide from all that it sees on this earth

all of the pain and aching hearts and brokenness

it's opposites day and we're all forced into this 

of course we all have the option of leaving

but then what about tomorrow?

i kind of enjoy this waiting to see what happens tomorrow

this idea that tomorrow might be the most brilliant of days

that the absolute most magical of days are yet to come

and that all my drifting and meandering and fighting

will not be in vain and all the tears wasted

and so i wait, i sit with my mind open and ready

my body poised to just go

and as always, my heart wide open

well, i feel sad and disheartened, that's all, staying positive

the girl cat lays on the couch in her usual spot for napping

and the boy cat lays in the bay window sleeping
i want to see skies like ive never seen before
i want to hear songs and laughter like ive never heard before
i want to love and be loved like never before
i want to soar in those skies of beauty forever
until then, well i am just waiting to see what happens tomorrow

i dream on