for best effect scroll down
and play the song, then read
august is here now with it's hot temperatures
the seasons really are flying by these days
i'm still engaged in the recluse/hermit life
or as the Japanese call it hikikomori
minimal conversations and/or social interactions
when i do actually engage in conversations,
i often times find it difficult or taxing mentally
although a deep conversation with a psychologist
i would find very very refreshing am sure
or perhaps even a deep conversation with a philosopher
my late sisters birthday is coming up soon
it bothers me she's gone from this planet
after her death, her kids started to stay in contact
with me which i thought was nice of them to do
i never knew how much of an influence i had on them
especially musically.....kind of a nice feeling
i've not been a good uncle though since i've been mostly
absent from their lives...although they lived in another state
most of their lives.
also i was encapsulated in drinking and boozing away
for many many years, even when they were in town
life seems like such a blur...memories, dreams, so far away
i find it somewhat frightening how fast life is going by
a few more years and 2010 will have been 20 YEARS ago
statistically speaking, i have another 30 years left on this planet
give or take a few that is unless i leave it before then of course
from time to time i do miss companionship
although it seems so far away that i can barely remember it
i do miss being loved, cared for, getting a hug
i do miss embracing someone, showing them love
i miss making good memories cherishing time spent together
sometimes on my walks i ponder these mundane things
things that in my life such as it is currently have no meaning
and if i think on them too long only create a sadness within
most of the time i feel absolute nothing from day to day
occasionally i get frustrated by things in the world today
the usual frustrations life throws at us all
though, i do get joy from feeding the neighborhood kitties
but sometimes it also makes me sad since i don't have one
kitty friends are the best to me, they've always given me
such a good and strong sense of peace and calmness
ah well, this life is so strange we get one shot at it
and it's always cruel, always unforgiving, always unfair
some have it easy, some have it like a dream,
some have it nightmare style, some fight
for their entire lives, struggling to stay above the water
but we all drown eventually.....every last one of us
i sometimes still wished i hadn't been born
like this world will not remember me when i leave it
i'll be like a warm breath exhaled into winters air
no legacy to leave behind, only a collection of failures
a collection of failures that are probably best left forgotten
this life of mine has been nothing short of a constant struggle
a swirl of thought and perspective, but minimal reward
attempts to achieve dreams have always been met with failure
even love always ended with me losing bits and pieces
of an already broken heart.....i'm just used running shoes
used running shoes that have been worn down
to the point where they're almost not wearable
ah well, such thoughts are also meaningless
and as another midnight passes me by
i can't help but to remember what love was like
imagine how my life would be if my efforts and
attempts at love and dreams would have succeeded
that's is a loneliness all too familiar to this old heart of mine
a loneliness all too familiar
