valentines day

Well, I lay here ill, the phone remains silent, as does most things in my life. Only the notifications of a few farm simulator games vibrating my phone here and there.  A familiar loneliness sweeps my mind as illness sweeps my body. A tag team like no other. No mate or spouse or wife to care. Just the hollow halls of my mind and the echos of what once was. I call out silently. I know no one hears, even my cats have avoided me lately, probably due to this formidable cough that persists. The exploding chest. There's a friendly ringing in my ears that blends nicely with the song playing on repeat. The tv is on and the game show channel is on but muted. The flicker reflections on the ceiling also blend nicely with the song. I can hear one of the cats crunching as it eats. Too tired to stick my head up to see which one it is. Randomly I close my eyes for a while and watch the light trying to shine through my eye lids. All that variety of red. Red.....red.....the color of valentines day, the color of love, of burning passion. All those beautiful people out there fulfilling the desires, the passions,  the infinite love of each other. I can only imagine how it must be to feel that, but of course I try my best to not think about it as it only brings tears and pain. Ohhh how much longer must I go without the beautiful, warm, and loving embraces of another? The beautiful caressing of one another's faces, the hugs as though we couldn't squeeze and hold long enough. Those moment where space and time no longer exist and the world waits for time to begin again. Where is she? Where did she go? My reality is obviously much different than all those beautiful people with love so abundant. Than all those beautiful couples wisping off to romantic get aways,  to hotel room nights, to a weekend vacation of love, of lust, of emotion and passion burning. And i.....i lay here ill.....I lay here ill......
I lay here feeling unloved, unwanted, forgotten like the worn pair of running shoes in the back of the closet. valentines day........valentines day......chewed bubble gum stuck under a table.