fading days, time lost 8-13-2020

written a few days ago,
but only now posting
since i can not decide
if it is finished or not
as usual, scroll down
and click play, then read.

 

dry eyes and a weary countenance
absent thoughts or a torrent of them
i still drown when i focus on them too much
love is an echo down a big and deep canyon
can you hear it?
i've forgotten what it sounds like
hung across dreams of old
lost in a distant memory of fading days
a plateau of collected and faded memories
dim are the lights in present days
a blur of repetition
the days fly by like rockets into space
a fading of me into the past
into the lonely shores of time lost
time lost....
like a lost toy, lost car keys, a lost child
fading days, yeah
no stars in the sky of loneliness
no affirmations or pleasantries
extreme isolation
a cold embrace of nothing
no warmth of another
no fracture of the rooms' silence 
fading days and time lost

well, it's been a while
my boy cat sam died while on the way to the vet
he became too weak to move
around and eat anymore
inevitability
death will come to us all
the girl cat still goes on dreaming in her ways
and as for me? well let me see
i went from one extreme to the exact opposite
a people person to being afraid of people
a socialite to an extreme shut-in hermit
an interaction of futility at best
living life through small glimpses from
bedroom and living room windows
i've removed any and all social medias from my phone
was just a musing on purposelessness after all
i also no longer watch or read ANY news at all
not that i ever really paid much attention to it anyway
to be honest i think everyone should take some time
disconnected for a bit and get back to true reality
my health wavers although i don't know for certain
since i haven't really been to a doctor in years and years
but from some of the symptoms ive felt the past month or two
i'd definitely say something was amiss
well, the future is so damned uncertain for me
sometimes it is unnerving to me as well.
but most days im indifferent to it all
if no one has ever fought for me,
why should i fight for myself?
misguided youth that dissolved into adulthood
yes that's me, the non conformist with the long hair
just hiding in the shadows of the bedroom walls
and perhaps in the distant and fading memory of others
those that knew me.