they all say it

they all said i love you
and then gave me the opposite
one by one, each taking a piece of me with them
never once did i get to hear those words and
the words and the woman sticking true to them
all that remains is a hollow log of a man
waiting to be used for firewood
firewood that gets burned up by the next
one to come along and say those words
all i ever wanted is to be truly loved and
the woman to actually mean it
all i ever wanted is to be held
and that hold lasting forever
all i ever wanted is my face touched
and that touch lasting forever
i need that fresh air in my lungs
but instead i get the dust from when they're gone
there is one commonality here and that's me
i'm flawed and make mistakes
i'm sometimes dumb and do ignorant things
oh lord, is it that i'm cursed?
is it that i should perpetually feel the flames
of eternal sadness lapping at my face instead
of that gentle and beautiful touch
is it that i've been chosen to represent the
rejects, the down trodden, the suicide cases?
is it that i'm meant to wander down the empty halls
and streets forever?
are my hopes and dreams a form of torture
and the only times i get a reprieve
is when i'm unconscious?
ive hoped and dreamed of someone coming along
and saying to me i love you and then sticking by me
through it all till the end of my days
as i do with the ones i say i love you to
i love you, those all powerful words
will i ever get to hear them and see them play out forever?
or will i end up spending the last of my days in the
sorrowful arms of loneliness and broken heartedness
as the grim reaper comes knocking at my door?

written two weeks ago
the first time i've ever written something 
and felt it was truly complete when i 
stopped writing and looked at it

farewell

a collapse of worlds and dreams,
an echo of what once was
a compilation of emotions
i feel completely broken....destroyed
and of course with that comes the loneliness
well hell, it's holiday time now once again
another year gone the way of the wind
and oh how they go by so fast these days
and still the sadness remains
another heart break
each time my heart breaks i feel i lose some of it
so much so that now i feel like there's no
heart left to get broken
i've given it away so many times only for it to be handed back
with pieces missing and broken off
a hollow shell remains, the peanut shells of a bar
"oh he had so much to give and so much potential"
it's hard to wear your heart on your shoulders
while living inside of it, but that's all i knew
a cat's toy, pawed at and played with
just to be discarded
i am beyond tired, on every level
physically, mentally, emotionally, etc etc
i am tired of fighting for dreams and beauty
i think it's time for me to disappear now
the days push wearily on my shoulders
i'm not as strong as i once thought
as i once even felt
my mind is weakened and hurts, unable to bear the
burdens of the heart, aspirations, and of love
but perhaps that is due to my age growing
older and older
the dreams and aspirations i once had grow
dimmer and dimmer
some have even gone completely dark now
but the ones that remain are 
not as bright and vibrant as they once were
i don't bring the beauty and happiness to others
lives like i thought that i once did before
i think about this often, about the good that i've
brought to this world and to others lives
and there's not much that i can see or even any
proof that i've done good or left good impressions
oh how i wished things were different
eventually we all lose the fight
but i figure by now why fight for naught
the days of losing myself in bottles were easier
but even that required effort to do
giving up and disappearing is effortless
i only hope that loneliness doesn't follow me
even into this absence

been extraordinarily difficult 
recently and especially now
to those that want to stay in touch
message me on instagram
i'll be checking it for a short while longer 
before disappearing completely

the ones of the night

they roam at night, ready to strike.
with their hypnotic eyes and words and movements. 

tickling ones mind with all the things we think we'd like to find. 

their words and actions target the heart, the mind, 

the weakened soul that's taken some hits from their 

arrows, bullets, and bombs. a repetition of cycles. 

and so I sit here waiting for the next arrow to hit, 

the next bomb to drop on my target heart. 

watching them take aim, guns poised, skilled snipers. 

and by this middle age, oh how they've perfected their skill. 

i wonder how many confirmed kills they have, 

how many have fallen before. 

am I the next target for them to take out?
while my heart is in recovery from taking a direct hit from 

the sharpest of arrows, the full metal jacket,
the mother of all bombs. 

a direct hit.

came to me last night and posted it
but now cleaned it up a bit
and added the song

he told her

i was born to love you he told her
just before he ran his hands down her shoulders
and showed her his love in an embrace
he looked into her eyes and kissed her face
her lips
never could he have imagine a love so great
as he began to connect the dots that relate to fate
to the future
the connections made were immediate and flush
like Picasso painting a masterpiece with his brush
he summarized it over and over in his brain
the reasons why he went through all the pain
was because one day he'd meet her

and it's then that he'd see his future

written for someone long gone now
potentially not finished, but here it is

 

society

the world is crazy, people are ads in a magazine. 

we've lost humanity in a catch phrase, 

it explodes and spreads clinging to heartbeats and dreams,  

converting them to nightmares. 

the fires burn wild across the tempers of innocence. 

It's rage permeates likes sweat through a shirt.
the words I seek creep through the street, unseen by most 

their voices echos, as mine does, down the halls of stories untold

down the alleys ways of thought and memories

everyone is for sale if the price is right, a moment in time,
a memory, an explosion that slaughters hundreds.
Death is the reprieve, but there's no going back,
what's done is done. The final solution.
The finality of this mortal shell.These pleasantries,  these shoulder taps in passing,
the shit piles up under hooves, under words,
under emotions hidden by words, wrapped up in experience.
Gifted to those we "love". Everyone is for sale,  name the price,
selling ourselves out short, souls lost cry in vane.

deciding to post this after it has been 
hanging out in my drafts for a while
it still feels incomplete, very much so
but here it is anyway
maybe i'll come back to it and add more

 

the children

the children are crying, but the world is crazy so they feed the tears
the children grow older and the tears turn to anger
and they turn the anger into action, into pain
into self destruction
neglected of emotion and care they cry loudly,
glowing flat screens are their babysitters,  

their teachers, their distractions.
their cries subdued by entertainments and storytellers. 

mindless consumption is the main story told. 

no way to know better they believe every word. 

they grow into adulthood and are thrown to the colleges, 

of which only a few make it, 

the rest are turned out into the realities of life. 

that not everyone makes it, not everyone made the right choices

and that people do fail, crash, and burn.
that the only guarantee in life is that, eventually, we all die. 

and so they come in full force, anger defined, defiant to any and all. 

ready to destroy that which you hold dear, 

that which is true essence of beauty upon this earth. 

because their beauty was destroyed by lies and deceit.

the children are crying, but the world is lazy so they give

the responsibility to the teachers of the schools

and when their children fail, they blame the world

the children are crying, but the world is blind

as always, i'm not sure if it's finished or not

but here it is 

 

øjeRum · Don't Worry About The Darkness, Mother, It Conceals Nothing

a new beginning

with clarity my eyes now see
no longer clouded by memory
by the old dreams that haunted me
with potential, my heart sings
it's song is heard by all
seen in dreams throughout the universe
with certainty i stand firm
my thoughts are on you, my heart is with you
my commitment to you
i now stand here with you
hand in hand we face the span of time together

wrote this for someone long gone now