a persistent feeling

life is more cruel than the cruelest of us
the damage it deals lasts thousands of lifetimes
each one of us hands it down to our children
and they hand it down to theirs, but with added
intensity, added damage, redefined damage.
the actions or inactions
life tortures some more than others
our mental bears are bigger than mountains
one swipe and we're flattened for years
our eyes filled with tears, covered with liquor or beers
some of us are tortured with only a crumb
only a sample of what could be, what should be
a taste of the purest love, the most beautiful of beauty
a glimpse into the eyes of god
then it's taken away, jerked out of our hands,
slapped out of our hands so hard that our hands sting forever
the persistence of loss
over and over again precious things taken away
the anxiety and desperation sweeps us away
to float and drift into the cobwebs of the corners of life
while all else, most others, flow flawlessly through the stream
stuck in the cobwebs we're forced to watch, more torture
then comes the loss of family and friends
more loss, more desperation, more alienation
the sense of being alone so great
the loneliness of being invisible
the loneliness of Chernobyl
the loneliness an orphan feels
the loneliness of the homeless man rejected by all
a sadness most might not know
those mental bears, those infinite stairs
those powerful and deep cutting stares
im there in the middle of them
in the middle of them and still i dream
why? even those dreams are, sometimes, like a torture
like a bullet hitting my target heart
my target heart, my target heart
withstanding the barrage of life's
bullets and darts and spears
and yes, sometimes even bombs that flatten it for a while
my target heart
of course in the end, no one wins
life takes us all, eventually
and most of the time we're never ready for it