the times are changing fast
faster still the older we get
i look at my life thus far and i see the realities
that all of us have to face yet none of us want to face
coming into my view, those harsh realities
my father has a weak heart and doctors say he could die at any moment
he will have an angiogram and then doctors will figure out
what will come next
the realities of stepping into the shoes of our parents
although for me, i have no kids, no significant other
these realities i face alone, not even a best friend to hear my cries
the wandering in a darkened cave at night alone
the creaks and strange sounds and the fear of inevitability
the fear of the unknown
and currently im not a beautiful ballet at the opera house
im a hobo jumping onto a train
im a distraught boy that's lost his way
im a drunken dancer that falls with each step
ive begun to accept the reality of things
the whole, not everyone gets the happy ending
some of us get the other end of the picture
the homeless man in the gutters searching for the bottle
the alcoholic, the drug addicts, the ones we see everyday
at work, working for a living and yet killing themselves working
it's been the hardest pill for me to swallow
stayed stuck in my throat for a good long while
maybe one day i'll feel the relief i dream about
maybe relief will never come, no reprieve
maybe one day i'll stop torturing myself with the dreams
maybe one day the end of the world will come
i wished i could paint a better picture
a flawless copy of Rembrandt
or Dali or M.C. Escher or even Beksinski
i wished my works were of beautiful golden
fields of timelessness
of the natural beauty in the world
of the most serene scenes of magical passion
but this is not my reality
reality, huh, maybe it's just a made up word to
make us all feel better about inevitability
well, i feel melancholy with a touch of numbness
i find myself struggling to sleep most nights
wrestling with the mental bears that prowl my mind
i try though, i really try
the boy cat lays with a look of total contentment
the girl cat watches out the front bay window
her observant focus is a beauty in itself
the wasps are really active today, coming and going
their jittery flight movements
i imagine them as beams of light, colorful light
reds and blues and greens all chiming together
as i watch them, i wonder how life would be as a wasp
the flying, defending, gathering, and dying.....
oh wait, same as us humans, yeah
well, the days are slowly getting shorter
night fall coming earlier and earlier, and then the time change
comes to rudely rearrange our sleep, twice every year
the sunsets of exploding colorful skies
i cant help but to maintain some positiveness in spite of all things
a small ember inside somewhere still smolders with a slight warmth
who knows what will come
i try the best i can, i try i try
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