10-5-15 with my thoughts

My thoughts....oh well let's see now, what are my thoughts? My thoughts are a high speed accident on a busy downtown highway. My thoughts are lost in space and time, there is no reality to what I think. My thoughts are the homeless man drunk, sleeping under a bridge. My thoughts are lost eternally tumbling down mountains and hills. My thoughts, my thoughts are only when I dream, when I dream reality is the dream. When I dream it is eternal it is heaven never before experienced. My thoughts entwined and tangled like the lianas of jungles and forests. Jumbled together, a drunken ballet vodka flavored tossed together at the last minute. No flavoring no sugar coating just in the raw. We are full of shit and ready to explode. The smell for miles and miles. Lost forever, out of control. Take your time but hurry up all in a hurry to wait. Hit the fast forward but take two steps back. There is no escape, no reprieve or solace. Lost in a dream,  a dream never ending. Internal turmoil, torture stripped down bare. Mentally and emotionally naked no cushion or pads to soften the blows. But wait I digress. My thoughts are lingering like the smoke in a bar after the people have gone. My thoughts are in a perpetual dream. my thoughts? my thoughts don't even matter when there's no one to hear them.

this was written over the course of a few days

very sad and lonely day today

i struggle to fight the tears away

but they persist with vigor 

i feel so incredibly alone

it's almost overwhelming

an ear to hear, to care

a friend, a lover, a forever

that "one".... the "one"

a warm emotion filled hug

this war i fight alone

this room i sit alone

this mind of mine thinks alone

even my cats are unaware of these things

i am theodore twombly 

i am billy brown

i feel like i can fly

but i'm not allowed to touch the sky

well, at least the weather has been beautiful lately

of course with that come the allergies and such

the wasps have been unseen today

not any coming and going and scurrying around

the cats are doing their usual cat activities

and me?, i feel sad and incredibly alone

still stuck in the cobwebs in the corner

still watching everyone else pass through

i am a broken record

a repetition of the same or similar words

the same or similar emotions

maybe i will go join an amish community

and build stuff and farm and such.

oh well, i struggle on