9/9/2020

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the days are growing shorter
as the sun is starting to set earlier
isolation with no inspiration
words trapped in cycles
flowing in circles
cold wind begins to blow
a sliver of feathery clouds in midnight skies
my favorite times were always
driving around between 3am and 5am
roads were quiet and with soothing aesthetics
oh how comforting it felt then
alone driving with beautiful sounds
empty roads while the city sleeps
the blanket of darkness and twinkling stars
and yet it was especially magical
during the cooler seasons
overcast skies with hints of the moon
taking a peak down on us weary wanderers
meandering around in the late night early morning
oh how i miss that comfort
comfort
rare are the days of late when comfort visits me
null are the days when my heart feels the warmth
of love and elation
i feel lost
huh, i feel worse than lost
a man with no meaning
no purpose and flawed design
i once thought to love might have
been my purpose
and indeed somewhere inside,
i think maybe it still is
but my view for the past year and some months
has been so far away
like being on the top floor of a very tall building
looking out from the observation floor
to the horizon, trying to see it out there
always wondering if i can fly as i gaze
some days i wonder what a jump like that would feel like
i had a dream about it the other night
would time seemingly stand still while falling
what thoughts would flood the mind
or would it be the first time to be free of thought
well, it was a comfort back then
to enjoy a night out on the town,
and then to go up to the top of a building downtown
and watching the horizon with the night sky
i often wonder why the night sky and
night time city lights seem so intriguing
why my favorite days are with
overcast skies and cool temperatures
why my path was always against the norm
if everyone was doing this one thing
i was always opposite of it
.....those paths are the loneliest and most narrow
why i couldn't ever conform to the norms
conformity always felt and still does feel
so bland and totally monotonous
oh, i've imagined many times over
how different life would be
am sure my path would be wide and filled with plenty
those thoughts always seem like just
another musing on purposelessness
oh, there's so many things, though, that i'd
like to do, places i'd like to go
distances i'd like to drive to
during the beauty of star lit skies and empty roads
the soothing comfort
driving endlessly
no destination, no plan
and oh how magical it would be to have
someone by my side that cared and loved me
we don't know loneliness until
we've been without human contact
without anything and everything
pertaining to friendship
or to love
we need love, we need friendship
as i've sat in this isolation
i've felt as a withering flower must feel
in an empty vase, on an empty table
and in an empty room of an empty house
energy withers, will is non-existent
i cant help but to cry
to feel all the emotions of my whole life
well up whilst in this isolation
the fear of everyone and everything
the overwhelming sound of thoughts
wrapped around my neck
choking the life of dreams and desires
out of my mind and into the tears of sadness
that flow down my worn cheeks
and to notice how heavy it feels to inhale and exhale
how heavy it feels to just be
a child is born, bringing happiness and joy
a lonely homeless man with out a past or future dies
and yes, a middle aged reclusive man
sits in an empty room spilling his heart out