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the most excitement i've had in quite a long time
was going to the emergency room last night
due to chest pains and tightness in my chest
the most social interacting i've done in a while
the man who was claiming to have been shot in his leg,
walking with such erratic and limping steps
the only different between him and me, i thought
was the fact that i don't talk to myself aloud
whenever i'm around others
he was, seemingly, having a full on conversation
about crack and eating his peanut butter crackers with himself
then he demanded a wheel chair from the nurses,
but then abandoned it within minutes of getting it
he made a big mess with the peanut butter crackers
pieces of them and crumbs all over the floor
in both places where he sat at
he became angry when the nurses came out to take him to
start the process and then told them to wait and come back to him
because he said he just got there and need time to sit for a minute
at some point a policeman had to come over to get him to cooperate
or he was going to be asked to leave
his yelling incoherently and cursing i found comical
but out of respect i hid my chuckles
i couldn't help but wonder what his story was
where he came from and what got him to where he is today
so that he was yelling and cursing at those that were only trying to help him
the entire time i waited in that waiting room
was a struggle to fight back tears and emotions
i've been overwhelmed with them lately
any down time at all and the emotions and tears flow
and so once i sat down in that chair in the waiting room
the war begun
i'd quickly linger on things that distracted me
such as the ambient sounds of a hospital
the sounds of the x-ray machines
i would listen to peoples voices and the potential
emotion behind their words while not focusing on what they
were saying, but just the sound of their voices
nurses laughing and enjoying conversations between tasks
it kind of made me sad though, considering my isolation
and my overwhelming loneliness
i miss conversations and laughing
the little connecting with others
the whole time i was at that hospital, i only spoke
with the nurses and doctors that tended to me
some of the female nurses that passed by or came to tend to me
smelled very nice and oh how it made me miss the company
of a woman their conversations, their thoughts and emotions
oh how i could soak it up like a dry sponge does with water
their eyes like crystals that sparkle with the sun's light
and don't get me started on their beauty and ways
the way they walk and move like a painting being painted
one can imagine in the days of old when men took
their coats off and tossed them on the ground for the women to
walk on so as to not get their shoes or dresses tainted by puddles or mud
oh how i miss their skin, so delicate like flower petals
i miss their hugs and kisses and flirtations
i miss the warmth of their love
well, i couldn't hold it back after a certain point
and so there i sat in an emergency room waiting room
tears flowing like rivers
which, of course, caused concern for the nurses to which
they had the counselor come check on me once i got into a room
and of course i dumped out my troubles on them
kind of sad, really, the whole thing
must have been quite the spectacle
middle aged long haired man sitting there weeping
well, a strong cold front has blown through and the winds
are blowing persistently, gusting and shaking things
no warm person to cuddle up with and to just be
the bed will be extra cold this night to warm up
oh how i do wished we could understand truly, the real reason
we're all here on this planet, dying and crying, loving and holding
why the world is the way it is
why people are the way they are
and why things seem to be getting so far away from beauty now
such a strange situation to think about
we all die inevitably, and such short lives we live
oh how i wished i could understand it all
i really do think often about if i had never been born
there seems to be a comfort in that thought for some reason
it's strange to me as well because, quite obviously i was born
well, the girl cat is playing with some of her toys and things
and intermittently coming to me to be petted in between
the room is cold and i am tired
i only slept for around 2 and a half to 3 hours on monday night
and then no sleep last night due to being in the emergency room
for the duration of the night
so im hoping tonight i will sleep as soundly as i ever have
and i hope i dream dreams of elation and magic
even though i know that when i wake up
those dream will be the means to my sadness once again
it's strange to me as well because, quite obviously i was born
well, the girl cat is playing with some of her toys and things
and intermittently coming to me to be petted in between
the room is cold and i am tired
i only slept for around 2 and a half to 3 hours on monday night
and then no sleep last night due to being in the emergency room
for the duration of the night
so im hoping tonight i will sleep as soundly as i ever have
and i hope i dream dreams of elation and magic
even though i know that when i wake up
those dream will be the means to my sadness once again
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