10/3/2026 23:11

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fall temperatures have arrived,
along with the first rain in some months.
my favorite time of year'''
overcast skies, cool temperatures.
went to my dad's 80th birthday celebration today.
was good times for my dad, he enjoyed it..as did i
a lot of people in attendance.
my attention to everyone and everything going on
was very heightened, sharp.
i begun to see the state of a few of my uncles
and the affects of time and age.
one of my uncles is 86 and his wife,
just a few years behind him...
both seem to have early stages of dementia,
and another of my uncles has parkinson's disease.
the sounds, the voices in the air...carrying on, floating
like leaves in a river, flowing under a bridge. 
they don't tell you about this, you know...
the swirl of thoughts that arise from such a sight.
what a stark feeling it is, i almost can hardly
muster a formulation of articulation that suffices
the emotions and feelings that have arrived.
there's a slight sense of fear for some reason.
and a sadness underlying, not for myself but for 
them to have to face and deal with such things...
dementia...parkinsons...the emotions became 
overwhelming a number of times whilst there
and even now i find it unsettling to think on.
my dad has begun to have difficulties
with memory, mostly of day to day things.
it has been difficult to see and learn to deal with
and i face this alone and in isolation.
oh, am sure i could reach out to one or two, 
but i feel as if i would be burdening them.
it's like a giant that one sees from afar,
but it's moving towards you.
a shadowed silhouette and a swirl of clouds
like fog that has rolled in
oh life and it's ways and the toll we all have to pay.
such an expensive toll it is indeed.
me at the age of 50 and have already paid
such a heavy toll...enough for 2 or 3 lifetimes.
normally social activities can be taxing mentally,
but in this regard, with family, it was not.
it was, however, emotionally difficult due to the
thoughts and emotions that were stirred up.
secondarily, it did give me a slight sadness to see
cousins with their families, and me with no one.
no wife or kids of my own...just a middle aged old man.
oh, i can see it out there in the ether...
that green field of grasses tall and the trees that dance,
swaying back and forth from the wind's massage.
a beckoning call or perhaps a taunt of that which is not.
and so i sit with my thoughts, contemplating life's realities.
the empathy overwhelms...chokes out light.
a somber cloud of swirling emotions...
like seeing an image of the universe and the immensity
of all the galaxies and stars within.
and as another midnight passes me by,
i cant help but to think about my uncles and aunts.
the passage of time upon us all
and the tolls that we all uniquely pay.
and the loneliness that comes from facing such 
realities alone........it makes me feel tired