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and so another year has gone and a new one arrives
last year wasn't as good to me as i had imagined it
of course im not going to get any hopes up, at least
not high hopes or elevated expectations, just awaiting
footsteps i hear behind me, who's are they?
oh yeah, just the shadow that follows me every year
every day, every second, every time i look down from
my most beautiful of dreams, my most beautiful of heaven
footsteps that have followed me so long that
i can almost hear and see their future footsteps
the plight of a better day, a better year, a hope and dream
just awaiting, well, that will have to do for now
i feel ok, a slight of sadness, a slight of anxiety, a slight of
the unknown trickling into the present.
the cats are up to their usual cat activities
the girl cat sits in the dining room window
watching, concentrating, and perhaps contemplating.
the boy cat lays on my bed resting, sleeping, perhaps dreaming.
it's fish for lunch with broccoli and a green and black tea mix
sometimes, now, when i eat fish i think of the fukushima
disaster and wonder about eating fish, oh well
a cloudy and overcast day today with a steady rain
although it seems to have stopped raining for now.
i love days like today except for the cold air
overcast skies and a nice 72 degrees fahrenheit
are always a beautiful and welcome sight for my eyes
suddenly my thoughts race through a torrent of memories
and slam out my eyes in the form of tears
tears that stream like the trail from a comet
racing through space unbeknownst to us
i dream of a day when the tears no longer burst out
of course this is a dream we all have, it's just that
some of us have alot more tears than others
sailing on a dream, surfing on a wave of hope,
getting hit in the face by the sadness of realities.
so, the new year? the hope for less tears
the quest for my vision to be clear
well clearer than it has been before
when the fear of opening that one door
is no longer there..fear...fear
afraid to live, not because of doubts or negativities,
but because of shadows following me, choking me,
holding me down in the gutters, in the sewers of society
not even human
alas, i hold on, i keep dreaming, and yes sometimes even praying
praying, praying, such a strange and alien word.

here's to your new year and the best of things
as for me, just awaiting, holding, dreaming,
i push on.