1-30-15 with more random thoughts going through my mind

A disappearance, sort of like a dance upon thoughts, 

thoughts that can drag on for ages and not actually age, 

and yet we still have no choice in turning the page.........in life.

i tire.....i tire for many reasons and many times over.

my heart hurts, my head hurts and i didn't even realize

that i have stubbed my toe once again.

feels as though the toenail has been torn and bleeding.

my mind dances, it dances the way a person may have

walked when they were forced to "walk the plank"

the effects of life is so bright that you can smell it

it's scent is so strong, you can feel it

it's sound is so powerful you can see it

it's happiest of days still brings the saddest of days

and on those saddest of days, we'd all like to be the happiest.

a disappearance, sort of like a thought in our minds

that fades slowly, the way the lights of an airplane in the night sky

slowly and surely fade to darkness.

the thought that fades but the memory remains

as do the emotions and feelings seared forever behind closed eyes,

behind opened eyes, behind crying eyes

still lingers the fingers of fantasy, of dreams and of happiness

here now, the malaise of better days trailing into the present

making that which is ongoing, that much more of a reckoning

the cruelest of the cruel, the most painful of pains,

the most struggling of struggles 

a lone child jumping in puddles after a rainstorm

oblivious to the mundane monotony of adult realities.

they're actually the ones that have it all figured out

we, as adults, like to think we do, but the older we get 

the further away from reality we become.

perhaps this is why Alzheimer's and dementia and other brain anomalies

come to us as we age.

cats have it figured out too, they understand what we wish, what we dream

what we'd like to hold in the palms of our hands

my old cat boogies visited my sleep dreams the other night
her soft soft long haired fur, her light purring, and small beads all over
the ground and carpets and floors of the room we were in.
a walk in the park, a nice country side drive, a car accident on a
busy downtown highway.

this initially started with the first 3 lines and was going to be solely built on them

but as i wrote the next 3 lines i noticed the thought traffic in my mind build up

so i decided to just dump them all as they came verbatim.

while doing that it felt like steps in a movement

so there it is unedited

a mixed up day today

it started normal and nice, then transformed into quite the lonely evening/night

nothing but the contents of my mind to keep me company

oh and the cats, although they're not around at the moment.

they're probably sleeping in their usual spots dreaming like we can not

it's difficult not to think about how life could be so much different

so much more beautiful and happy if only things had been different for me

the past few days were beautiful, unusually warm in the upper 70's to 

lower 80's and quite blustery a bit. like a spring day in the middle of winter

i have jeff bridges sleeping tapes with me right now and ive become quite

addicted to them....beautiful pieces of sound and voice taking me so
very deep into my dreams of heaven and love and beauty.

well, there's not much to it these days, just a cyclical repetition of days

anyhow, i dream on.......i dream on

have a listen: dreamingwithjeff.com/#_