as usual scroll down
and click play if it is not
already auto-playing
then read
thanks for your attention
i can hear the rumbling of a train
running down the tracks not too far from here
my mind wonders if there's any
train jumpers or hobos as they were once called
i wonder what they're thinking
the street here is busier than usual
for a Sunday night
with some rumbling of loud trucks n cars
all of which seem to have something to prove
to people that, are mostly, unaware of them
or the boom boom from their stereos
that they, seemingly, want you to hear
i can feel time ticking in the air
each second that passes
like when wind blows on your skin
my view is out of a window encased in
one of four walls that i am encased in
but no crown jewels here
nothing sacred or precious
nothing more than chewed bubble gum
but i digress
sometimes a neighborhood cats visits me
in passing, sometimes aware of my presence
and other times unaware
but i wish it well with a whisper in the air
there's a few cats that come by like that
but only the one that comes regularly
i sit with my mind and thoughts like rocks
rocks and stone formations that
with time, are carved into ways and shapes
carved by winds or by waters
my mind carved
carved by words and punishments
by abuses and reactions and responses
my lines are cut deep
and again i digress
i watch and wonder as days go by
like the minute hand on a clock
my reclusiveness seems to be
getting even more reclusive
with each rising and setting of the sun
my words also elude me as
i elude this world and society
like a ship at sea in the thickest of fogs
and nothing but the sound of the distant foghorn
to soothe the loneliness that hovers in the fog
i've watched seasons come and go
clouds form and then float away
i've watched the storms and rains come and go
i rarely ever see another person,
i only hear their sounds
i do miss seeing another persons eyes
and the pulses of emotions that lie within them
i miss seeing the steps they've took
that have led them into eternity's light
i sometimes will touch my own arm
to try to remember how a persons touch feels
and to try to remember what it is like to touch someone elses arm
i've watched leaves break off and fall to the ground
and then watched those leaves slowly decay
or wake up to see that the wind has carried a leaf away
i sit here alone typing words in the same fashion
a thought or emotion or feeling dropped here
like leaves from a tree
leaves that get swept away into eventual nothingness
loneliness, well, let me think, i don't think i or
any of us actually knows what that means
what are words with no meaning?
what are lives with no love?
what are men or women with, seemingly, no purpose?
what is an injured animal that has crawled off to hide?
well, i feel sad these days
i feel deprived....of what exactly i've no idea
but am sure it is a deprivation of everything
but mostly a deprivation of socialization and of love
and as per custom, the shades of repetition that i paint
with my words and thoughts, don't vary much
they try to describe the view of my analytic eyes
i sometimes stop to listen for the sound of wind blowing
to know the world is still moving perhaps
yes, i still talk aloud to the television and to my cat
and i complain to no one as if someone
is here to hear me and care
i can hear the sound of an airplane flying in the sky
can't help but to wonder who is on it and where they're going
what lives they live and what pains they've felt
i wonder if they have grieved loss as i have
i wonder if they're going on vacation to some beautiful magical land
the kind of places where dreams live
far far away from four walls with a window
and a lonely, defeated man who sits
watching life pass through glimpses out a window
watching life pass like the tears from his eyes
that are a constant flow
these days, i often times think, i don't deserve to
have the beauty of friendship or of love
the support of a friend or of a love
that, perhaps, i deserve the loneliness
that i deserve each and every pain that i've ever felt
i live, now, scared of it all, but i dream of doing
kind things for others
going out of my way to show kindness to this world
or spreading love and kindness that this world
so desperately needs
the fear remains from the last time
from the last time i opened my heart wide
for a friend, for love, for companionship
and was only handed back remnants of my heart's contents
and so i rock back n forth in a chair and watch life pass by
and i feel the loneliness that is only written about in a few books
or in a blog of a middle aged man encased in the cold grasp
of isolation...the kind that eternity forgot
the kind that eternity forgot
.....that is yet another kind of loneliness
but i digress
i can hear the bed calling my name
by the vibrations of my body
and the tiredness of my eyes and mind
as another midnight passes by
another midnight passes me by
......oh
how lonely
i feel
No comments:
Post a Comment