struggling like all the others, i abstain from the norm
my non conformity complexes my sense of normalcy
is that an oxymoron to have non conformity and normalcy together?
i feel ridiculous lately, lost and confused lately yet focused and clear
my troubled, hurting heart, my mixed and jumbled thoughts.
like everyone keeps throwing these sharp darts at my target heart
and target mind as if it were a game.......i refrain
it's hot today, didn't even want to go outside.
it's too bright today, my eyes grow weary of summer already
the long hair and longer than normal beard make the heat worse
and gives me zit covered nose effect for greater "enjoyment"
my creativity has dried up lately, haven't done any graphic art
in months, my writing has been ok it seems with the
occasional here and there's tossed into my mind that i spit out
the girl cat sleeps on her usual spot on the top of the back of the couch
she's carefree and energetic most of the time until the boy cat gets domineering
over her and decides to attack her randomly here n there, then she hides away
the boy cat sleeps in the bay window, sun shining onto his belly
he's carefree and lazy alot with the occasional hairball surprise he leaves here n there
how simple they live, free from the awareness that we all have
their awareness differs, obviously.
it's almost time to get another composition book since this one
is nearly full now.
there's is an alienation that's always been around since i can remember
the ritalin didn't help this. i always think back as far as i can,
but my memory doesn't really start till around 9 or 10 year old or so
the ritalin didn't help this and probably caused this, who knows
alienation, ousted from the rest, separate from all else
my non conformity didn't help this.
perhaps my non conformity came from the alienation
or maybe it's vice versa, who's to know?
in other news the dream i had last night really bothered and troubled me
i wrote about it yesterday, but posting it now isn't the right time just yet
been feeling tired and groggy alot lately, the occasional ache n pain dont help this
i wanna light a wishing lamp with you and wish away into a dream of heaven
who knows..........the randomness of my brain.....who knows..........
it's rare for me to post a journal entry without it being years old, but what the hell.
=)
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