i used to drink

 i wrote this a few nights ago
i know ive written about it before
but i couldn't shake the thought 
off until i wrote it here
was unsure about posting it
but what the hell
as usual and for best effect/results
scroll down and click play
if it is not auto-playing, then read
thanks for your time

i used to drink to feel normal
even if for a few hours in a night
i used to drink to chase dreams into 
the infinite glass bottom
i used to drink to hide from realities
that are chained to me, holding me
i used to drink so that i could stop
thinking and to stop feeling
i used to drink
it's been so long since i drank
that i've forgotten how long it's been
i'm going to guess i quit in or around 2018
so weird to think it's been that long
part of me, so very much, misses chasing dreams
into infinite glass bottoms
feeling normal for just a few hours
but in my mind set and at this stage in my life
drinking is pointless
it was always an act of futility
throwing money away to purposely
harm my body......my mind
"a shot of Jameson"
"vodka with a splash of sprite"
like going down a water slide
a blur going down each time
watching the years go by like the 
pages of a flip book
faces like city lights
eyes like laser beams
emotions like dynamite
a haze of peasantries and illusions
a plethora of souls running the same 
running from the past, from pain
from realities unknown
searching for answers, solutions
searching for distractions from the life
they already live, but lost sight of
times like these i really really miss
that drunken stupor of vodka soaked 
dreams and dance floor scenes
gulp one down and get on the dance 
floor and close your eyes and sail away
into an empty room with lights like thoughts
and comfortable feelings like arms from a hug
and occasionally opening your eyes
only for a moment before hiding away again
or dashing to the bar again for more
of course in today's world and way of things
chasing dreams in bottles and going the way of 
blackout drunkenness would be so very good
but there's something in the air
something deep inside me
giving me the will to never drink again
like something telling me not to because
there's something going on
because of some other reasoning, i'm unaware of
sure i miss it dearly at times
but i have zero desire for it
same with  smoking cigarettes
i so very much miss the flavor of cigarettes
and the smell of them as well
always loved the smell of them since i was a child
and to this day i still love the smell of cigarette smoke
but i've no desire at all to smoke again
not sure why this all came to me tonight
or why i couldn't stop thinking about it
but figured i'd take note of it here
as another midnight passes me by

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