11-7-2021 11:24pm

as usual, for best effect/results
scroll down
and click play if it's 
not already playing
thanks for reading

i've not much to say these days
as the season changes and
the days grow short
days where music tells a better tale
and so i will leave this song here
perhaps it can tell you too a tale
a tale that my words can not
that my thoughts and emotions can not tell
well, i feel decently of late
thoughts still swirl
and the girl cat still dreams
and the neighbors still destroy
the peace and gentle quiet of the neighborhood
which in turn bashes my sanity
a loud truck or loud stereo or both
my world has changed
and yes, perhaps, i've changed
perhaps because of it all
perhaps because of 3 years of isolation
sober isolation
it has been extraordinarily difficult
and yet the past few months has calmed
things seem easier to see and observe these days
i think everyone should stop and disconnect
sober up for a while and isolate for a while
maybe then we will pay attention to the birds
that sing and watch the trees that dance 
see the wind caressing the meadows of grass
or watch the dog or cat play in the suns rays
maybe then we can see one another actually
maybe then the world would explode with love all around
until then i sit back and watch
as people are ads in magazines
i watch as leaves swirl on the ground 
i watch as years pass like water trickling
down the rooves of homes after a storm
watch how we too are like that water
that trickles down roof tops
here for a short while, then gone 
don't forget to be kind to one another
and as another midnight passes
i hope for clarity for the world
as i sit watching time dance with the world
watching time dance with the world....

Jeannine Schulz · When The Monk Found A Feather

song

close your eyes
and have a listen
especially around 2:38 

Unknown Tone Records · Pepo Galán & Max Würden - Particle

9-17-2021 11:45pm

 as usual and for best effect scroll down 
and click play if it is not auto-playing
thanks for reading

i close my eyes to see the sky
something like a memory from Sunset (a city)
or perhaps how i try to imagine it to be
i used to look at the sky every night
especially after a night of drinking 
always felt as if i am on the edge
of touching on something important 
so sometimes i'd stare at the sky
for a long while getting lost in it
lost in thought
i think if i went and looked at the sky now
i'd imagine each twinkle or bright star
as a single thought, or one soul
perhaps i could reach up and touch one
or just make eye contact 
perhaps i'd imagine each twinkle as 
a memory of days past
like when i was a child in elementary school
was a snowed and iced day and the sloped
ground outside of one of the fifth grade classrooms
was frozen with ice and we were running
and sliding down it on our feet to see 
who could make it the furthest
i close my eyes to see the wind blowing
something like a feeling of calmness
soothing ripples in fields of grasses green
and trees waving for me to come
and envelop myself in such a comfort
a local tv station here used to have a
station id video that played that would
show a scene of high grasses flowing in the wind
and some kind of structure of which i can't 
remember, but i remember getting that deep feeling
i've spoken about here before
a creative block has hit lately
so i've not had much to say
no formulations of articulation to toss out here
even in spite of all the insanity going on in the world
i can only think of those fields of flowing grasses
those stars in the night sky
those memories that tap my mind
like a hand tapping my shoulder
i can't help but to feel that i miss those times dearly
those late night moments of solace
solace after drinking and sitting somewhere
just staring at the night sky
i can not say what the connection was
except for the fact that it was some of the few times
in my life that i've felt comforted or connected to something
other than when i've felt loved of course
i say something because ive no idea what the connection
was or is only that i felt i was connecting to something
and as another midnight passes i sit thinking
trying to figure it all out as the world goes crazy
i sit wondering if i will ever find those fields
of grass waving in the wind
that will embrace me with a hug 

Night Note · NLS - 2021 - 09 - 13

8-21-2021 11:23pm

for best effect/results
scroll down and click play
if it is not auto-playing
i originally wrote this 
at the time listed
but was unsure about  it
decided to post it anyway
thanks for your attention

i'm a whisper away from lightening strikes
and i'm a thousand miles from any voice
i fly like leaves in fall's breeze
but only when the tears stop
there's a feather flipping and floating 
in the earth's breath, carefree
and there's souls pleading for mercy 
pleading for humanity, for someone to care
i tip toe through thoughts that make
what's left of my heart melt and break
i rest on tear soaked pillows
and i dream of a life never lived

i dove from the plane of emotions
soaring through the air of broken dreams
to crash and burn in the real world

watching the world burn,
both literally and figuratively
weighs heavy on my shoulders
people discarded like empty bottles
this time in isolation now almost seems
as if my mind has been sharpened like a knife
my heart almost feels as if it is beginning to rise
this fire that burns inside grows
and my desire has begun to poke through
through those darkened clouds of melancholy
feels like there's just some things i must see to
to get things in order before whatever is to come
there's most definitely something in the air
across this entire planet
it seems to me, it has become quite
impossible not to acknowledge
if one is living with their eyes open,
and they are looking ahead 
i really hope that humanity can rise together
to overcome the evil that runs rampant all over
that we can all look at  each other with
love, compassion, and understanding

well, i don't know what will happen
i don't even know where i'll end up
i don't even have a plan, but 
i do have a will
and as the old saying goes
where there's a will, there's a way
and as another midnight passes
i hope to rest easy with the potentials
of what could be on my mind

i feel a positivity growing

Last Days · Fading Shore

8-9-2021 11:32pm

 as usual, for best results/effect
scroll down and click play
if it is not already auto-playing
then read

i sometimes sit down to empty
the contents of my mind
and will sit for a while overthinking every
single thought that comes to mind
sometimes it becomes an inner struggle
of which i end up tossing the thoughts
out and scrapping anything i had written
i even have gone back and reread some
of the things i've written before
back when i was still drinking
and compared them to things ive recently written
and i think did drinking really change me that much
or did i myself change because of my deep
isolation and sobriety that is still ongoing
i think deep down i've always felt big
had deep thoughts and emotions
but i buried most of myself away with drinking
and self destructive behaviors 
but perhaps i have changed a bit
i think it is impossible to have such an isolation
and to not be changed by it 
especially in the way i did
going from being an extremely social person
to an isolated hermit rarely going outside
going from tons of friends to practically none
and all the while coming to the age realization
that i'm 45 years old and a crossroads is very very near
the reality of mortality and life and life with no meaning
and the constant struggles that go with that
and all the while with no support system
so sometimes ill sit down with plenty of thoughts
just to get up having written nothing down
i guess ill admit i'm probably not the same 
person i was back then and i most definitely 
feel different inside
the core of me is the same, 
it's hard to say, though, how i feel these days
so much intense repetition and habit
that life has blurred
so much isolation that my feelings and thoughts
appear in my head the way dust or lint appears
when it's in the air and it goes into the light of a sunbeam
those tiny sparkles and the floating tumbles in the air
for some reason lately, i've started to feel 
a kind of burning inside, like a fire is lit
no idea why or what it is about, but for now i
entertain this feeling and i don't push it out
and as another midnight passes
and the and as the flames of insanity burn brightly 
on the horizons of people the world over
i sit here thinking
sifting through the days thoughts
curious of what the burning inside may mean

Artem Amirkhanyan · Է

something to think about

something i found that lines up
with my thoughts on things
ive written similar thoughts before
check it out

i used to drink

 i wrote this a few nights ago
i know ive written about it before
but i couldn't shake the thought 
off until i wrote it here
was unsure about posting it
but what the hell
as usual and for best effect/results
scroll down and click play
if it is not auto-playing, then read
thanks for your time

i used to drink to feel normal
even if for a few hours in a night
i used to drink to chase dreams into 
the infinite glass bottom
i used to drink to hide from realities
that are chained to me, holding me
i used to drink so that i could stop
thinking and to stop feeling
i used to drink
it's been so long since i drank
that i've forgotten how long it's been
i'm going to guess i quit in or around 2018
so weird to think it's been that long
part of me, so very much, misses chasing dreams
into infinite glass bottoms
feeling normal for just a few hours
but in my mind set and at this stage in my life
drinking is pointless
it was always an act of futility
throwing money away to purposely
harm my body......my mind
"a shot of Jameson"
"vodka with a splash of sprite"
like going down a water slide
a blur going down each time
watching the years go by like the 
pages of a flip book
faces like city lights
eyes like laser beams
emotions like dynamite
a haze of peasantries and illusions
a plethora of souls running the same 
running from the past, from pain
from realities unknown
searching for answers, solutions
searching for distractions from the life
they already live, but lost sight of
times like these i really really miss
that drunken stupor of vodka soaked 
dreams and dance floor scenes
gulp one down and get on the dance 
floor and close your eyes and sail away
into an empty room with lights like thoughts
and comfortable feelings like arms from a hug
and occasionally opening your eyes
only for a moment before hiding away again
or dashing to the bar again for more
of course in today's world and way of things
chasing dreams in bottles and going the way of 
blackout drunkenness would be so very good
but there's something in the air
something deep inside me
giving me the will to never drink again
like something telling me not to because
there's something going on
because of some other reasoning, i'm unaware of
sure i miss it dearly at times
but i have zero desire for it
same with  smoking cigarettes
i so very much miss the flavor of cigarettes
and the smell of them as well
always loved the smell of them since i was a child
and to this day i still love the smell of cigarette smoke
but i've no desire at all to smoke again
not sure why this all came to me tonight
or why i couldn't stop thinking about it
but figured i'd take note of it here
as another midnight passes me by

øjeRum · Stormslagne Sjæle